Dreams Lost

By: Lelani

 

 

 

She lay in the dark room waiting. They would be coming soon; she knew that. It was about the only thing she knew. She was in a pitch black room with a cot and a small closet-type bathroom in one corner. There was a toilet, a showerhead over a drain, and a sink. In another corner, there was a single straight back chair with a small wooden table. There were no windows, no light from outside or light fixture in the room. That was it, her entire world… until they came.

 

She heard the footsteps and knew that they would bring her food. The food would be placed on the table and then they would come to the bed. She would be given an intravenous injection and then the leather cuffs around her wrists and ankles would be removed and the two people would leave without speaking a word.

 

She would eat; it would be the only meal of the day. A bowl of some type of canned soup and a piece of bread would be her meal. After she ate, she would go to the sink and cup her hands to capture the running water and drink it. They did not bring her anything to drink, so the tap water would have to suffice.

 

She would use the toilet and then shower and replace the clothes that she had worn the day before and the day before that, back on her body. There was no soap, no shampoo, no towel. The act of washing was not much more than that, an act. It served a purpose; it gave her something to do.

 

After pulling the jeans and shirt back onto her damp body, she would walk around the room. The pacing was another part of her routine. She walked around the six by six cubicle that was her world, until the drug made it so that she couldn’t walk. Then she would lie down and wait.

 

They would come again. They always did. When she was unable to tell which was up and which was down. They would come and lead her down a dark hall to another dark room. She would be made to sit in a chair and the cuffs would be placed around her ankles and her wrists, so that she couldn’t move. Electrodes would be placed on her bare skin with some type of conductive jelly.

 

These things she could handle. It was always the same, but it was her world and she knew what to expect. It was what came next that she couldn’t tolerate. It was when her world turned into her living hell. Blaring noise, lights, pictures, electric shocks that ran through her body; even these were not the worst of it. It was the voice; the voice that had stripped her of everything. She no longer had a name, an identity, a life outside of this small world. And the voice that took away everything, gave back only one thing. It gave her a hatred of one man, one face, one name. But after the noises and jolts of electric current and pictures and bright lights were gone, even after the voice left, she could never remember who the man was, what he looked like, or even his name.

 

She would then be led back to the six by six room. She would be strapped down to the bed and except for one visit to give her another injection and allow her to use the toilet and drink from the sink; she would be left alone, to wait until the next day… until it began, all over again.

 

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Walker sat at his desk and looked at the framed picture that graced the corner of it. It was in a silver frame, nothing fancy. Alex had given him the picture, but she’d kept it small and discreet. She knew that he wouldn’t feel comfortable with a large showy picture on his desk. She also knew that if she wanted him to display the picture, it would have to be one that others would only comment on in passing. “Paris?” they would ask, or “Is that your wife?” The answer to both questions was “Yes.”

 

Walker looked at the picture and tried to put himself there. It had been a beautiful spring day in Paris. He was playing the perfect tourist, carrying a camera and sightseeing. Alex had trotted over to him from where she was looking at souvenirs and had surprised him with a spontaneous kiss. “Thank you, Walker.” “Thank you? For what?” “For indulging me; I know that this is not your favorite way to spend a day.” “No, we’d have to go back to the hotel room for that.” She’d batted his chest playfully as he intentionally misunderstood her. “Well, we could not go back to our hotel room, but even in Paris, I imagine they’d frown on… shall we say, 'public displays of affection'?”

 

Calling his bluff, Alex had sidled up to him and unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt before he could stop her. She leaned in and kissed his throat and licked down to the V she had exposed with her deft fingers. “Let’s find out,” she said playfully. As much as he hated to discourage his wife’s advances, he had grasped her arms and pushed her back away to stand facing him at arm’s length. “Mrs. Walker, we are a respectable married couple and you will behave.” Pulling her against his chest and wrapping her into a bear hug that left her breathless, he said, “At least until I can close the door on the honeymoon suite at the hotel.”

 

As always, Alex laughed at his ‘take charge’ attitude and once he released her, she flirted with him outrageously. “I have far too many places planned for us to see today to even talk about returning to our hotel.” She then pulled out her day planner and began ticking off the list. Since he knew that she would win any argument he engaged her in, he just followed behind dutifully.

 

Walker stroked the glass that covered the photograph. It was rather ironic. The Eiffel Tower was the most recognizable symbol of Paris. Their hotel had looked out on it, but this picture represented the closest they had gotten to it. Alex had tugged at his hand and pulled him to a vantage point and then flagged down a man and his wife who were there from Indiana. They were a retired couple in their early sixties and Walker grew exhausted listening to the wife talk about her home, her grandkids, the weather in Indiana, their trip so far, and countless other details she managed to discuss all in one breath when Alex asked if she or her husband would take their picture.

 

The man had obliged by taking the camera from Walker and pulling his wife back far enough so that she wouldn’t be in the picture. And there it was, captured for all time, a moment of pure happiness. Walker stood with his back to the tower and Alex placed herself in front of him, wrapping herself in his arms. Leaning back against him, she had turned slightly to look up at his face. The camera had clicked with the two of them standing in front of one of the most celebrated landmarks, but it was clear in the look they shared that they had eyes only for each other.

 

After retrieving his camera from the man, Walker had thanked the couple and begun to walk toward the ticket booth to purchase tickets to tour the engineering wonder. Something had stopped him though, and looking back behind him, he saw his wife standing there looking at him. It was the look on her face that got his full attention. She looked at him with all of the love and desire one person could express to another without the benefit of words or touch. He stepped back to her and they turned and walked back to their hotel. No word was spoken as they walked into the hotel, rode the elevator up to their room and used the electronic key to allow themselves entrance.

 

The rest of the day was spent making love. It was their last night in Paris. They had spent the vast majority of their honeymoon in their hotel room and what limited sightseeing they had engaged in had not yet included the Eiffel Tower -- Alex’s one goal. At least that was what she’d told him one day, after making love and talking about what she had to do before they left Paris. They’d managed the Louvre, the Arch d’Triômphe and several walks along the Champs Elysée. They never did make the Eiffel Tower. They had left it to the end of their trip, intending it to be the climax of their honeymoon. A climax of a different kind took precedence.

 

Alex had framed the photograph and had given it to him on their one-month anniversary. She’d wrapped it and when he opened it and looked at the picture, she had told him that she loved him. He could still hear her words, as clear as if she were saying them right at this moment in his ear. “One day, Cowboy, when we’ve raised our children and retired from our careers, I want you to take me back to Paris. I want to be like that couple we asked to take this picture. I want to travel and see the world and meet new people, but I always want to be so tied to my home here that the only thing I can tell all the new people about is my life here. I’ll tell them about our grandkids and what the weather’s like at home. But this time, Cowboy, you’re taking me to the see the Eiffel Tower and I want the deluxe tour package. Then we can go back to our hotel room and make love until we leave to fly back home.” He’d laughed at her. The idea appealed to him. Living their lives to the fullest and then returning to where they’d begun their lives as man and wife and seeing the places they’d missed, in between making love.

 

Walker’s finger traced her jaw line. The camera had caught the look in her eyes. If anyone had really looked at the picture closely, no one would ask what they did after the picture was taken. It was clear that they hadn’t continued sightseeing. The love and the lust were there for anyone to see. No one would though. No one looked at photographs on people’s desks at work that closely, no one but him.

 

“Where are you Alex?” he whispered aloud. “I’ll find you, baby. I promise, I’ll find you and we’ll live the life you dreamt about in Paris. I love you!” he stated emphatically.

 

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Jimmy sat staring at his glass of milk that was sitting on the bar at CD’s. Even his Oreo cookies remained untouched. “Dang it, Jimmy! You gotta eat somethin’ son. You can’t just stare at the food, it won’t hop into your belly ya know,” CD scolded him. “I know Big Dog; I just don’t have much appetite.” “Well, this thing is eaten us all up, but she’s countin’ on you son. She’s countin’ on you and Cordell to find her and she’s countin’ on me to make sure that you keep your spirits up until you do.”

 

The TV reporter began to tell the tale of the missing Deputy DA one more time. It was the biggest local story and had been for two weeks now. The TV over the bar had shown the same photograph during every news broadcast for a total of seventeen days now. Even after all this time, the story had not lost its impact on its viewers. This was one of Texas’ own. A local hero, who had fought to better her city, her state, her country and her world, had been missing with no leads as to her whereabouts.

 

“…day seventeen in the continuing search for missing Deputy District Attorney Alex Cahill-Walker. She was married two months ago, in May, to celebrated Texas Ranger Cordell Walker. An intensive search for the missing public servant has turned up no leads. Her car, found the day after she was reported missing out in the badlands, gave no clue as to why it was out there or what had happened to her. She left work early to go home after winning a conviction against crime boss, Leon Ramsey. Police report that there is evidence that she arrived home, where she changed clothes and then apparently left to run errands. She has not been seen since.”

 

The picture of Alex, smiling into the camera with her fresh peach-faced complexion, was followed by one of her and Walker at the wedding, one of her car, one of her at HOPE House… each picture rubbed salt into the open wounds of the two men standing on either side of the bar. Their hearts twisted as the reporter continued with, “Police decline to speculate on the possibility that Mrs. Walker may not be found alive, but our expert consultant Dr. Edward Mosley has confirmed that the chances of finding her alive after this length of time are dwindling. We will keep you updated of further developments in this case that has affected many in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. In other news…”

 

CD picked up the remote control and switched off the volume. “I don’t know why we keep watchin’ that over and over again. We know what they’re gonna say.” “It’s the pictures, CD. We can’t help but look at them. What man has ever been able to resist the chance to look at Alex? She had something, it was beyond physical beauty, you just couldn’t help but…” Jimmy jumped as CD’s fist slammed the counter next to him and his milk jumped and sloshed over the rim of the glass. “Dammit! James Trivette, don’t you ever let me here you talk like that again! Don’t you talk about Alex like she’s dead! She is beautiful inside and out and we are going to find her alive. You hear me?!” Jimmy looked at his friend and the sadness in his voice belied his words, “I hear ya, Big Dog. You’re right, I’m sorry, I had no right to use the past tense.” “And don’t forget it!” CD ended with another thud of his fist.

 

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She lay there wondering what was happening. There was searing pain in her head. She felt hot and dry. She was so thirsty, she wished they would come and undo the cuffs. She was disoriented; she didn’t know where she was in the repetitive cycle of her life. And then she moved her hand toward her face and realized that there were no bindings preventing her movement. She must have been given the injection and now she would wait for them to come to take her to the noise and the lights… lights… light… there was light.

 

The woman sat up slowly with her head cradled in her hands. She covered her eyes and sat there trying to understand. But there was nothing, nothing familiar, nothing the same. She slowly uncovered her eyes and lifted her head. She dared to open her eyes and quickly closed them again as a wave of nausea and dizziness assailed her.

 

She lay back down and drifted off to sleep. She awoke again, over an hour later. She sat up and slowly opened her eyes. Her head hurt and the light was so bright, she couldn’t seem to get used to it. For some reason, she felt that it should be dark, but it wasn’t. As her head slowly cleared, she dared to open her eyes. She blinked several times; her eyes were so sensitive to the light. She decided that she must have a migraine, her head pounded and the light hurt. Yes, it must be a migraine. Did she suffer from migraines? She didn’t know. She couldn’t remember.

 

She was thirsty. Water, she needed to get some water. Lifting her head, carefully, she opened her eyes into tiny slits, her hands providing shade, and looked around her. There was scrub brush, sandy soil, bright sunlight, and nothing else. Where was she? She didn’t remember coming to this place.

 

The need for water was finally her impetus to stand. Her legs were incredibly wobbly and as she stood, her stomach revolted and began to heave. They were dry heaves, there seemed to be nothing in her stomach to get rid of, not even bile. She collapsed back onto her knees, her hands going out to steady herself. What had made her so ill? She strained to decipher what was happening to her, but she just couldn’t remember.

 

She stood again. This time, even more slowly and tentatively than before. Covering her face with her hands, she struggled to take a step; one foot and then the other, walking in a straight line. She kept the sun to her left, using it to guide her so that she was heading north. She didn’t know how she knew this, but she did. She also didn’t know why she should head north; it was just one of many directions available. She had to choose one and it was the one she chose. She trudged forward, one foot in front of the other.

 

The sun rose higher in the sky as she walked. It was nearing noon. She knew that, but she didn’t know what she based that knowledge on. She needed to find water and she needed to find shade, but there was nothing to indicate that either was within her ability to reach. The pain in her eyes was so intense, that she closed them and walked, using the warmth on her shoulders to tell her where the sun was and to continue in her randomly chosen direction.

 

The woman was nearing her limit of endurance when she tripped and fell on her hands and knees. She jerked her hands up as they were scalded by the hot asphalt. A road, she had found a road. Sitting up on her knees, she looked in either direction and saw no sign of civilization. It was a paved two-lane road, but where it led was unknown. It crossed in an east/west direction to the north she had been walking. After resting a few minutes, she stood and began heading east. The reason for her decision was that the sun would be to her back. The sun still caused her to squint as she walked on the edge of the road.

 

An RV was traveling down the road, heading west, when the driver spotted the lone woman and hit the brakes. “Harold, what in blazes are you doing?” came an angry shout from the back. “Doris, get up here!” he shouted back. The thin fifty something woman walked up to the front of the RV. “What is it?” she asked her husband. “There’s a woman on the road, I think she needs help,” he told his wife. They both exited the vehicle and looked to make sure there were no other vehicles coming, not that this was a well-traveled road, but still, it was traveled.

 

They crossed the road to the blond woman who had stopped and was swaying as if she was being battered by high winds. “Are you all right, dear?” Doris asked kindly, knowing full well that she was not all right. One look told her that. “Water,” the woman managed, it was the first word she had spoken in a very long time. “Harold, help her,” Doris, the take charge person of the duo, instructed her husband. Each took an arm and guided her carefully across the road and into the RV.

 

The cool interior and indirect lighting brought instant relief. The kindly couple eased the woman back onto the cushioned bench that lined the wall of the RV. Getting a glass of tepid water, Doris offered the woman a small amount. “Sip it slowly,” she instructed, but her words went unheeded. Clasping the glass with both hands, the woman drank deeply. Doris had raised six children and knew what the result would be. She grabbed a bucket and held the woman’s hair back as she wretched the water back up. “Get me a cool cloth, Harold, and then let’s head into the nearest town, quickly.”

 

Harold wet a cloth and brought it to Doris. He looked at the woman curiously and then headed up to the driver’s seat and began the arduous task of making a U-turn in the large RV on the narrow road. They had come from an RV park outside of Abilene and he was certain that Abilene was their best hope of finding a hospital. They had been taking the scenic route to Lubbock and he knew that there was nothing but small towns for some time if he continued west. Once he had the vehicle heading east, he pressed his foot hard on the accelerator and decided to cut down the time it would take him to get back to Abilene.

 

“Lie down, dear,” Doris instructed the woman. She applied the cool cloth to her face, gently dabbing at the sunburned cheeks and forehead. She placed the cloth on the woman’s forehead and went to get an ice cube out of the tiny freezer. She put the cube into a Ziploc baggy and crushed it with a hammer that she kept handy in a drawer. Bringing the bag of ice chips to the woman, she told her, “Suck on these ice chips and that’ll help quench your thirst until we can get you to a doctor.” She held the first chip to the woman’s lips and nodded her head in satisfaction when the woman took the chip into her mouth.

 

After half an hour of careful ministering to her patient, she watched the woman slip into an exhausted slumber. She went up to the front of the RV to confer with her husband. “How much further, Harold?” she asked. “The last sign indicated that there’s a hospital at the next turnoff. Probably five, ten minutes.” “What do you think, Harold? What’s happened to this woman?” “I don’t know dear, but whatever it was, it was something bad. She didn’t get into the state she’s in overnight.” “No, I don’t know how long she’s worn those clothes, but it’s been days. And did you see how thin she is? Her clothes are just hanging on her.” “I know, I saw. Whatever she’s been through, it’s lucky we spotted her when we did.”

 

They followed the signs to the hospital and Harold parked the RV close to the emergency room entrance and went inside. He explained the situation to the desk clerk and a gurney was brought out. Two orderlies loaded the woman onto the gurney and wheeled her in to the trauma room. Doris and Harold waited out in the waiting room for news.

 

An hour later, a doctor came out to greet them. “Hello, I’m Doctor Andrews; you brought in the woman?” “Yes, we found her wandering on the side of the road. We’ve been camping, going across country visiting our kids and just happened to spot her.” “Was she conscious at any time?” “Yes, she was walking when we found her and she asked for water.” “Did she tell you who she was or give you any indication as to what she was doing out there?” “No sir, the only word she uttered was ‘water’. She drank some, but vomited it back up. I gave her some ice chips and she fell asleep.” “And you have no idea how she got there? There wasn’t a car or anything around?” “No, just her, out there in that dry hot land, just walking along the side of the paved road.” “All right, I’m going to go back in. I should be getting lab results back soon.” “Is she all right?” “It’s too soon to say. I don’t know what all has been done to her. Clearly, she is undernourished and dehydrated and looks to be suffering from sunstroke, but other than that… I need to run more tests.” The couple nodded and again sat down in the waiting room to wait.

 

The television was on in the waiting room and the local news came on. Harold sat watching it for lack of anything else to do. A photograph was shown of a beautiful blonde woman with a peach complexion and beautiful blue eyes. The announcer came on saying, “Tarrant County Deputy District Attorney, Alex Cahill-Walker has now been missing for eighteen days and is presumed dead, although local police deny…” “Doris!” Harold exclaimed. “What?” his wife, who had been dozing on the couch asked, suddenly wide awake. “Isn’t that the woman?” he said, pointing to the television screen. Doris watched as a picture of a sports car was shown abandoned in country similar to what they had just driven through. Then there was a picture of a woman receiving an award for charity work. “It looks a little like her,” Doris began and then the close-up was shown again. “You’re right, it is her!” she exclaimed.

 

The couple raced over to the admitting desk. “Can you tell Doctor Andrews that we think we know the identity of his patient?” they requested excitedly. Doctor Andrews was called and he came out to try and discover what new information the couple could give him. “Doctor, there’s a report on the news about a missing woman. A District Attorney or something…” Doris began. “Oh my god! Alex Cahill-Walker! I’ve heard the name over and over the last couple of weeks. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. You must be right, it has to be her!” He turned to the desk clerk, “Call Texas Ranger Company B in Dallas. Ask for a Ranger Walker and tell him we think we have his wife here. No, don’t tell him that; just put the call through. Let me talk to him once you get him on the phone.”

 

Doctor Andrews strode back into the trauma room to look at his patient and try to verify the tentative identification. She lay there, with an IV attached to her arm, replenishing the lost fluids. Her eyes were closed, but as the doctor gazed at her face, they fluttered open. He was certain that the couple was right; this had to be Alex Cahill-Walker.

 

He remembered looking at the photograph on the television thinking that her husband was a lucky man to have won the heart of such a beautiful woman. She had great bone structure and beautiful skin and hair, but it was her eyes that had drawn him. They were the most amazing blue, and in the photo, they looked intelligent and kind. He remembered chiding himself for his fanciful thoughts, but as a confirmed bachelor, he hadn’t been able to get the image of her out of his mind and he woke up dreaming about her eyes looking at him the way they looked at her new husband on their wedding day in the photo that was aired.

 

“Hello there,” he said, as he saw consciousness return to her eyes as she surveyed her surroundings, including him. “I’m Doctor Andrews and you’re in the emergency room of St Luke’s Hospital. You’re not that far from home actually, we’re about two hours or so outside of Dallas.” “Dallas…” she repeated as if testing the word out. “Yes. Can you tell me what happened to you?” he asked kindly. The more information she could give him, the better able he would be to treat her. “I… it was hot… I was… my head hurt… and the light… it hurts my eyes… I was thirsty…” she stuttered to a finish.

 

“Your head hurt? Does it hurt now?” “Yes, but it’s better,” she answered. “And the light, are you still sensitive to the light?” he asked. She nodded, ‘yes’. He dimmed the light over the bed, “Is that better?” “Yes, thank you,” she answered. “Is there anything else?” he asked kindly. “Water, may I have some water please?” Doctor Andrews looked over at the nurse and nodded his head. The nurse raised the top half of the bed so that the woman was in a reclining position and then she poured a glass of water and handed it to the woman. “Drink it slowly, just sips,” he advised. She remembered the last glass of water she had drunk, and the consequences; she heeded his warning.

 

After she’d had a few sips, he continued with his questions. “Can you tell me anything else?” “A man and a woman, they helped me,” she offered. “Yes, they’re still here, out in the waiting room. They said that there wasn’t a car near where they found you. Do you know how you got there?” he asked. She merely shook her head ‘no.’ “Do you know where you’ve been?” he asked. She looked at him and stared blankly at him. “No, I don’t know,” she answered. “Well, can you verify your identity for me?” he asked. “My identity?” she repeated. “Yes, what’s your name?” he clarified. She looked at him puzzled and then said in hoarse whisper, “My name? I don’t know what my name is.” Doctor Andrews looked at the nurse and said, “Let’s add a CAT scan and see if there’s been any head trauma.” He looked back at the woman he believed to be Alex Cahill-Walker. “Don’t worry, we’re going to run tests to see what’s wrong with you and then we’ll know more. For now, you just rest and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 

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It was another long day. Trivette sat at his computer trying to shake loose a name, a lead, something that would tell him where to look for Alex. He’d gone through all of her recent cases and found nothing. He’d tracked down every lowlife she’d gotten convicted; anyone who may have been released from prison who might have a grudge against her. It was a long list, but so far he and Walker had turned up nothing.

 

Walker sat at his desk, talking on the phone. His focus had shifted from tracking down the slightest lead to putting pressure on every law enforcement agency in the state. He was calling in favors, on the state and federal level. There was talk of officially listing the case as a ‘missing, presumed dead’ and he wasn’t going to allow it. He slammed the phone down and sat back in his chair, his eyes going back to the photo in the silver frame.

 

His phone rang and he leaned forward and lifted the receiver. The rush of hope each time the phone rang had long since stopped surging through him. “Walker,” he answered. “Ranger Walker, this is Jolene Barnes out at St Luke’s Hospital in Abilene.” “Yes?” he asked, sitting up a bit straighter. “Sir, I have Doctor Andrews here who would like to speak to you,” she said in her slow drawl and passed the phone over to the doctor who was leaning against the counter waiting. “Ranger Walker, I’m Doctor Andrews. I have a woman who was brought in and we’ve tentatively identified her as your wife.” “Alex? You have Alex?” he all but shouted.

 

Trivette’s head whipped up, when he heard Walker say her name. “I believe so, although she is disoriented right now and is unable to confirm her identity.” “How is she?” Walker asked tensely. “I don’t have all the tests back as yet, but I don’t see anything so far that won’t mend, given time. She’s dehydrated, she’s undernourished, she has suffered from heatstroke and is complaining of a headache and a sensitivity to light. Other than that, there doesn’t seem to be signs of any obvious injury…” “I’m on my way! Have the local police post a guard outside of her room and limit access to her to authorized hospital personnel,” Walker barked orders over the phone. “We’ll do,” Doctor Andrews answered. “Give me the number there,” Walker said and wrote it down and quickly hung up the phone.

 

“They have her at a hospital in Abilene, Trivette! Get the chopper ready to take us there!” Trivette picked up the phone and called for the Ranger Helicopter to pick both he and Walker up at the helipad. The two men grabbed their hats and raced out.

 

Walker had called the hospital to give them their ETA, but Doctor Andrews was still impressed with the speed with which they arrived. He watched the two Rangers rush down the hall to him. “Where is she?” the man with the red hair and beard asked. “Are you Ranger Walker?” Doctor Andrews asked. “Yes,” Walker nodded, not willing to waste time with introductions. Seeing his frantic urgency, Doctor Andrews merely said, “Follow me.” He led the two men to the trauma room and they all walked in to see a blond woman with big blue eyes, lying back in a reclined position on the bed.

 

“Alex!” Walker said and rushed over to her. Trivette had tears in his eyes as he looked at his dear friend. Alex’s eyes widened in alarm and she shrank back as the man reached for her to clasp her in an embrace. She remained stiff and completely immobile as he hugged her to him gently, careful not to injure her. “Oh god, Alex, I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered in her hair. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he stood there cradling her to him. Finally, he stood back slightly and lowered her back against the raised bed. He brushed the hair back from her face and said, “Alex, are you all right? Did they hurt you?” She stared blankly at him. “Who are you? And why do you keep calling me Alex?”

 

Walker looked up at the doctor with a puzzled expression. The doctor tilted his head toward the door to indicate that he would talk to Walker outside. Leaving Alex was the hardest thing he’d done, but he needed to know more about her condition. He looked at the nurse and silently commanded her to stick close to his wife until he was able to come back in.

 

Trivette followed them out to hear what the doctor had to say. “Ranger Walker, this is the couple who found your wife wandering out in the hot sun.” Walker turned to the couple. “Thank you for all that you’ve done. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you helped Alex and brought her here.” “You’re welcome Ranger. We just hope that she’s okay,” Harold answered for them. “I hope so too,” he said and looked at Doctor Andrews.

 

“Ranger, near as I can tell from the examination I’ve done and the test results that have come back, your wife has not been physically assaulted. The…” he looked at Harold and Doris and then at Trivette. “Maybe we should make this a private conversation.” Walker looked at Trivette and knew that he would have to tell him whatever the doctor said anyway, so he didn’t mind him being there. And as for the retired couple, they may well have saved Alex’s life! They deserved some information. “No, it’s all right, please go on,” he said.

 

“The rape kit was negative, although I realize that she’s been missing for quite some time. She has been fed very little and she is severely dehydrated. There are tiny abrasions on her skin that look like possible burn marks, but they are puzzling. There are also needle marks indicating that she was injected routinely with something. The toxicology screen has not come back yet, so I don’t know what type of drug was used on her. The CAT scan is negative; I don’t see any sign of brain injury.”

 

“But she doesn’t know who I am, who she is!” Walker said frustrated. “There are more types of brain injury than the physical. It could be some type of chemical problem. Between the drugs and the malnutrition, I can’t say. And since we don’t know what type of psychological trauma she’s endured…” he shrugged his shoulders and then continued with his assessment. “She also indicates a strong sensitivity to light. At this point, I can only recommend supportive treatment. I would like to keep her here, give her fluids and nutrients intravenously.”

 

“When can I take her to Dallas? I’d like to get her back among familiar surroundings as soon as possible,” Walker said. “I understand, but I’d like to admit her for the night until I get the rest of the test results back, then we’ll talk more.” “All right, that sounds reasonable. Can you put her in a private room and put a chair in there for me to stay with her?” “Of course, do you also want a guard outside the door?” Walker was about to shake his head ‘no’, but Trivette chimed in. “Yes, we’ll want round-the-clock guards posted and they should have a list authorized by you and also by me, of who is allowed to go into the room,” he said to the doctor.

 

Trivette looked at Walker and tried to explain himself. “Walkman, you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since this began, let’s not take any chances. I’ll call headquarters and let them know what’s up. I’ll also send the chopper back and have them on standby to transport her to Dallas as soon as the doctor gives us the okay.” “You’re staying?” Walker questioned. “I’ll head up the investigation here while you stay with Alex. Folks,” he said, turning to the retired couple, “would you mind taking me out to where you found Mrs. Walker and going over everything with me?” “Not at all, Ranger. By the way, I’m Doris and this here is my husband, Harold Skinner.” “Well, Mr. and Mrs. Skinner, if you could take me out there and show me right where you picked her up, I’ll have the sheriff follow us out and we’ll get a forensics team out there.”

 

“I don’t know how far she must have walked before we found her. It’s just deserted land out there,” Harold explained. Trivette looked at Walker, “Well, my partner here is the best tracker around, but he’s taught me a few tricks.” Walker looked at him, “Trivette, you couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag, much less track a trail in the badlands.” Trivette laughed at his partner, it felt good to be able to share a smile with each other, damn good. “If I can’t handle it, I’m sure the Sheriff will have someone who can. Now go spend some time with your wife.” Walker clapped him on the shoulder and nodded his thanks.

 

“Ranger, would it be all right if we saw your wife for a moment? I just want to tell her that we’ll be back to check on her when she’s feeling better.” Walker looked at Doris Skinner and smiled, “yes, of course.” He followed Harold and Doris into the trauma room where Alex was. She looked up as they entered the room and she looked decidedly uneasy when she saw Walker. He frightened her, he seemed to know her and be very comfortable with touching her and she wasn’t sure how to react to that. Then she saw Doris and Harold and she relaxed a bit.

 

“Hello,” she said to them. “Hello, dear. We haven’t been properly introduced, but this is my husband Harold and my name is Doris Skinner.” Alex held her hand out to them. “It’s nice to meet you. I…” she stumbled with what to say next. She couldn’t tell them her name; she didn’t know what it was herself. “It’s all right; I understand that you’re still fuzzy. I’m told that your name is Alex and it’s a nice name, fits you.” Alex smiled, hesitantly and then said, “Thank you for helping me, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come along.” “We’re just happy that we were in the right place at the right time. Now, we’re going to go with the police and show them where we found you and see if we can help them figure out how you got there to begin with.” Alex looked very frightened at the thought that they were leaving her. “We’ll be back later to check in on you.” She relaxed a bit and smiled, as they took their leave.

 

Alex looked at Walker. “They’re going to admit you for the night to make sure that you’re all right. They’ll be moving you upstairs soon. After you’re settled, I’ll be up.” She looked nervously over to the nurse and Walker, his hat in his hands, smiled reassuringly at her and left the room. “May I take a shower?” Alex asked the nurse on duty. “I don’t know, I’ll have to check with the doctor,” she said. “In the meantime, I can give you a warm cloth to wash your face and hands with.” “Thank you,” Alex said.

 

The nurse helped her to gently wipe her face and hands. Just as she was finishing, Doctor Andrews walked in. “Well, are you ready to head upstairs and get into a comfortable bed for the night?” he asked. “I’d really like to shower if I may.” “I think we can arrange that. Let’s get you up to the floor and then I’ll have the nurse there help you to bathe.” He smiled at her kindly and she returned his smile. He had a friendly, trustworthy face and he put her at ease. He wasn’t like the man with the red hair. There was something about him, something dangerous and it wasn’t just the gun he had strapped on his waist. She couldn’t explain it, even to herself, but he put her on edge.

 

After transporting her upstairs to a private room, they disconnected her I.V. so that she could shower. It was a little disconcerting washing herself with another person there, but the nurse was very careful about respecting her modesty. The warm water felt good running down her back. Her nurse’s name was Charlene and she was a large woman who talked incessantly and laughed often. She shampooed her hair and then allowed her to use a washcloth to bathe herself. She was even provided with a safety razor to shave her legs and under her arms. She brushed her teeth and gargled with the mouthwash provided. The feeling of being clean raised her spirits tremendously.

 

After she finished showering, Charlene gave her a pair of panties to put on. Alex didn’t even think to ask where they had come from, but they were pretty and silky and felt good against her skin. Charlene then insisted that she lie on her stomach on the bed, while she applied lotion to her back, legs and arms. She also treated the pressure sores that were on her shoulder blades and the points of her hips. She gave Alex some deodorant to apply and then helped her pull on a pair of pajamas that could have been made to fit her. The top was a button down the front top and provided her with some modesty. The pants too, allowed her much more modesty than the hospital gown they had put on her in the trauma room.

 

Charlene even combed her hair out and styled it slightly. She gave Alex a face moisturizer that helped soothe the sunburn she had suffered while in the badlands. There was a bag of cosmetics that Alex used sparingly and even a perfume that she enjoyed the smell of. She didn’t know where all the personal items came from and she didn’t even think to ask. She simply enjoyed being pampered. Once she was finished with all of her grooming, she slid into the bed and allowed Charlene to reattach the I.V.

 

There was a light knock on the door and an orderly came in with a tray of food. “I’m afraid that you’re on a soft-bland diet for now,” Charlene said as she lifted the lid. There were mashed potatoes, a creamy chicken broth soup and Jell-O. “My advice is to mix the potatoes in the soup and eat it like it was gravy, otherwise, the potatoes won’t have much taste,” Charlene told her. Alex smiled and did just that. It was amazing how little food it took for her to feel full. Charlene coaxed her into drinking a glass of milk. “The more you take by mouth, the sooner they unhook you from this I.V., Alex,” she told her. Charlene intentionally used her name often. Doctor Andrews had told her to use it casually to try and get her used to the sound of it.

 

The orderly returned to take her tray and Alex settled back and was soon asleep. Charlene had been told not to leave her alone at anytime. If her husband was not in the room, then she was to be there, doctor’s orders. Charlene secretly had a crush on Doctor Andrews and was willing to do anything he said. Not that she wouldn’t have anyway, her new patient was one of those people you just took an instant liking to. Charlene too had heard the story on the news and she knew that this woman had suffered something terrible. One day, she would undoubtedly remember what it was.

 

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Walker had known that Alex wouldn’t want him around while she was getting settled in her room. He went out to the local mall that was not far from the hospital and purchased items that he thought would make Alex more comfortable. He knew her brand of makeup and he bought a few basics, not something he’d ever done before, and he had no idea which mascara to get or what color lipstick. He had a picture in his wallet and the saleswoman was more than helpful in advising him. He was amazed at the cost of the cosmetics and after learning that a tube of lipstick cost upwards of twenty dollars, he decided that he’d never again leave Alex love notes written on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. Then he thought, ‘To hell with the cost, I’m never going to stop telling her how much I love her.’

 

Walker then headed to the women’s lingerie department. He looked at the beautiful sexy lingerie and then turned to the more modest pantsuit style pajamas that would keep Alex covered. As much as he enjoyed seeing his wife in sexy nightwear, he wasn’t about to let anyone else enjoy the pretty picture she made. He picked out a lilac color that Alex often wore and continued on to the underwear.

 

Walker knew the style and material that Alex wore. He realized, for the first time, just how intimately he did know his wife. She liked bikini style underwear, but she refused to wear thong underwear. She liked silky satiny underwear, but only wore lace when her purpose was seduction. She told him once that it itched and felt rough against her skin. He smiled to himself as he chose a few pair in her size. He had what she would need for that afternoon and night, but if he was able to take her back to Dallas the next day, she would need other things.

 

Walker purchased a bra that matched the underwear. Then he went to the women’s wear department and looked at the racks of clothes. He had seen the clothes she had been brought to the hospital in. He had asked to see them and then turned them over to Trivette to have them examined as evidence. They were her own clothes, and by the looks of them, she had worn them the entire eighteen days. She normally enjoyed wearing jeans, but he thought that perhaps a simple sundress would serve his purposes.

 

Having narrowed his search, he found a saleswoman and again showed her a picture of his wife. He told her that he wanted a pretty sundress and told her Alex’s size. He knew that she had lost weight, but it shouldn’t matter in a dress. The woman found a rose colored cotton dress that had swirls of purples and blues and greens that ran through it. It looked like something Alex might wear to an outdoor barbecue, so he decided to get it. He then went to the shoe department and found her a pair of flat sandals in her size. He got advice on color from the saleswoman there. On his way out of the store, he spotted a perfume counter and purchased a small bottle of Alex’s favorite scent. He was rather proud of his accomplishment when he headed back out of the mall and got into the car Doctor Andrews had loaned him.

 

Once he returned to the hospital, he gave his purchases to the nurse assigned to Alex and went in search of Doctor Andrews. He found him in his office looking at lab reports. “Ranger Walker, come in. I just got the toxicology reports on your wife. The reason it took so long is that the drugs we normally screen for, cocaine, heroine, valium, etcetera, were all negative. Your wife was injected with Sodium Pentothal.” “Truth serum?” “It’s been called that, yes. It lowers the person’s ability to reason and can be used to cause a person to divulge information that he or she would normally keep secret.” “So, it’s likely that whoever took her wanted information that she had.” “Now that is your realm of expertise. I do know that there was more that your wife endured than mere injections. She has pressure sores on her hips and shoulders. It indicates that she was forced to lie down on her back for extended periods of time. There is also reason to believe that her wrists and ankles were bound to keep her in that position. She doesn’t have any permanent damage, but the body requires exercise to maintain muscle tone. I’d say that your wife has had both limited exercise and nutrition. I’m starting her out on a bland diet and hoping that she will slowly build back up to her usual appetite soon. I’d also recommend an exercise program to tone her muscles and to increase circulation and also her appetite.”

 

“We have a gym at home, Alex isn’t an avid exerciser, but she does join me in my workouts and she enjoys horseback riding and going for walks.” “Well, I would start with walks, mornings and early evenings outdoors would be best. I’m not certain about her light sensitivity; does she have a history of migraines?” Walker nodded his head, “She doesn’t get them often, maybe once or twice a year, but she does get them. Once she had one triggered by too much sun and not enough water.” “Well, that might be it, then again, who knows, if she was strapped down in a bed for days, she may not have had a great deal of light. Certainly her skin is quite pale, other than the parts that are sunburned.”

 

Walker swallowed the bile that rose in his throat as he imagined the scene that Doctor Andrews described. “And her memory, do you have any ideas about that?” “I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’d say it was some type of trauma that she’s trying to suppress. There are different types of psychological trauma. An event such as an assault like a rape can cause memory loss, but so can prolonged torture. I still can’t explain the burn marks on your wife’s skin. I just don’t know what caused them.” Walker was sweating profusely; his worst nightmares were coming true.

 

“What do you recommend? Can she go home or should she be transferred to a hospital in Dallas?” “Physically, she should be able to go home tomorrow. I would advise taking her to her regular doctor and also to a psychiatrist who can better advise you on how to deal with what may be post traumatic stress disorder.” “Alex has a close friend who is a psychologist who works with victims of violent crimes, including abuse victims. Do you think I should take her to see her?” “If they already have a rapport... that might work. Alex may not remember her, but she might feel safer talking to her than she would to a complete stranger. Which brings me to the next problem – you.” “She acts afraid of me,” Walker said. “I know; I saw that. It could be many things. You might be just familiar enough to frighten her. If her entire defense against what happened to her relies on her not remembering, then you would be a threat. Look, I’m just guessing here, but I think it might be a good idea to have someone – neutral – around for awhile.” “You think I should have a friend stay at the house?” “I don’t know; she might see them as a threat as well. You could hire a nurse and have her live in for the first few days.”

 

“Does she require nursing care?” Walker asked, concerned. “Technically, no, she doesn’t, but it wouldn’t hurt; maybe an older motherly type of woman who could just help Alex with things like her diet and beginning an exercise program. Alex should also have regular massages. The areas where she has the pressure sores are not actually open wounds, but a very gentle massage and even whirlpool baths are recommended to increase the blood flow to the areas. It doesn’t have to be a nurse, but it might help Alex to buy the story of why the person is there if it is.” Walker looked at the doctor. “Judging by the way she looks at me, I think she’ll just be glad there is someone there and not be too concerned with the why.”

 

Doctor Andrews looked at Walker with sympathy. “Be patient with her. Give her lots of love and for now, lots of space. Don’t pressure her. I wouldn’t recommend any attempts at intimacy, but the more ‘normal’ her life is, the better chance she’ll have of remembering it.” Walker looked at the doctor and said, “One thing about Alex, she is the most stubborn woman I have ever known. She’ll tell me what she wants and doesn’t want in no uncertain terms,” a smile hovered around his lips as he remembered crossing his wife on a variety of occasions during their courtship and even during their brief marriage. “Personality traits like that may come through; then again, they may not. The very essence of who she is has been stolen from her. You’ll find that she will automatically pass up the okra if she’s never liked it, but she won’t know where the silverware is kept in her own home. The mind is a complex organ and the best warning I can give you is to expect the unexpected.”

 

Walker stood and held his hand out to the kind doctor. “Thank you, I know that Alex has received the best care possible from you and I appreciate everything you’ve done for her.” “You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow before you go, but I’d like to ask a favor from you, if I may?” “Of course, what is it?” “Would you mind keeping in touch and letting me know how she does? Not only because of my medical curiosity, but also because, in the short time I’ve known your wife, she’s made quite an impression.” Walker looked at the man and his usual possessive nature lay dormant. He could understand. Alex was unaware of just how appealing she was and now, when she was so vulnerable, she was even more so. He felt it, why shouldn’t the doctor? He too was a man after all. “I will and when I catch the scum who did this to her, I’ll send you the pieces.” Doctor Andrews looked into the steel gray eyes of the man in front of him and decided to never cross Ranger Walker.

 

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Trivette looked at the marks next to the road. They were shoe prints that led to the pavement and stopped. This must be where Alex found the road. He radioed the sheriff and within minutes, several police vehicles arrived at his location. After finding the spot where Doris and Harold had picked Alex up, they had all loaded into vehicles and one man was dropped off at each mile marker. They walked the road, looking for signs of where Alex had first gotten onto the road. It was important to him that he had been the one to find the first sign. He’d be sure and tell that to Walker. After all the hours he’d spent looking for a clue, any clue, to lead them to Alex, it helped to have finally found one that might lead them to her abductors.

 

Sheriff Kramer arrived and he assigned his best tracking team to follow the footprints. Cletus was a bloodhound who was trained for search and rescue work. Out in this hostile land, more than one backpacker found themselves lost and wandering aimlessly. Cletus and his handler, Mike, were known for having saved quite a few lost hikers. The sheriff allowed Cletus to sniff the area and then to sniff the clothes Mrs. Walker had been wearing. He gave one deep bark and began sniffing the ground excitedly, having locked onto the scent. Mike was pulled along behind as Cletus ate up the steps in reverse that Alex had taken that morning. Trivette, Sheriff Kramer, and several deputies, followed along behind.

Harold and Doris Skinner waited in their RV along with the rest of the deputies.

 

They walked nearly an hour until the trail came to an end. “Looks like she was lying here,” Mike said. “You can see that she tried to stand and then fell to her hands and knees,” he pointed out. “But how did she get here?” Trivette asked, not seeing any footprints other than Alex’s. Cletus picked up another scent and headed up an incline. The group followed and at the top, they saw where a jeep had driven up to the top of the incline and then they apparently rolled Alex down to where she had come to a rest. The top of the incline was hard packed and there were no obvious footprints. The sheriff called for a team to make castes of the tire tread and to scour the area for any other possible evidence. “Another dead end,” Trivette said in disgust. “Looks that way, but you never know, there might be something here,” Sheriff Kramer said.

 

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Walker peeked in and saw that Alex was asleep. He spoke in quiet tones with the nurse and the guard stationed outside of the room and then he went to make some phone calls. He found a lounge that was empty of people and pulled out the cell phone, something Alex had purchased for him and insisted he carry. He sat in the cushioned chair, swung his leg over the arm and made his first call. Walker was, for all intents and purposes, a walking zombie. He had had no more than two hours sleep at a time for the last eighteen days. And what sleep he did get had been plagued with nightmares. His normal, stoic posture was gone. He was a man who was losing the battle to fatigue. He leaned back and cradled the phone to his ear as he talked.

 

“CD? We’ve got her, she’s safe,” he said. “Thank the lord! Any idea where she’s been?” “No, Trivette is out now, trying to track down a lead.” “So, how is she, Cordell?” Walker’s voice broke slightly, “God, CD, she’s alive! I thought that if I could just find her alive, then everything would be all right.” “But it’s not?” “No, CD, they tortured her. I don’t know exactly what they did, but she was drugged and there are burn marks and evidence that she was restrained for long periods of time. She’s lost so much weight and…” “And what Cordell? What else?” CD asked, needing to know the awful truth. “She has no memory. She doesn’t know who I am. She doesn’t even know who she is.”

 

Walker’s voice cracked from the combination of fatigue and emotion. CD heard it and knew that his friend and former partner was nearing the end of his rope. “She’ll be okay, Cordell. You have to believe that. We’re gonna surround that little lady with so much love and care that she’ll have no choice, but to remember us. You just get her home where we can start taking proper care of her.” Walker nodded, “Yeah, I’ll bring her home tomorrow. The doctor wants to keep her overnight. It looks like they gave her drugs to try and get information from her.” “Well, let’s not worry about that right now, whoever is responsible for this will pay. Right now, we just concentrate on taking care of Alex.” Walker agreed with his mentor and hung up; he had other calls to make.

 

He called Gordon next and filled him in on Alex’s situation. Gordon wanted to fly right out and be with her, but Walker managed to talk him out of it, promising to have him out as soon as she was settled and doing better. He told Gordon that he didn’t want too many people overwhelming Alex until he’d had time to get expert advice on how to proceed with helping her to remember. For all his bluster, Gordon was a practical man and logic won out with him. He thanked Walker for finding his little ‘pumpkin’ and asked him to keep him updated on her progress.

 

Walker’s next two calls were to Alex’s boss the D.A. and to his own boss, Captain Price. Both men were relieved at the news that she was physically all right and both agreed that Walker should stay with Alex until she was safe and recovered. They also agreed to release a statement to the press that she had been found, but to keep her location a secret. They knew that the press would make the Walkers’ lives a living nightmare once they caught wind of her condition. Finally, Walker called Josie at HOPE House to tell her about Alex. She would tell the people who had been praying for her to continue their prayers for her full recovery. She too agreed to keep the details of Alex’s condition confidential.

 

Walker closed the phone and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. All the while he had been looking for Alex, he had been able to fight the fatigue, but now, his body forsook him and he fell into a deep sleep. The ringing of his cell phone woke him just over an hour later. He was startled and disoriented, but once he woke up enough to realize where he was, he answered it.

 

“Walker,” he said. “Hey, Walker, it’s Trivette. We found where they left Alex out in the badlands. She was dropped off by a jeep and rolled down an embankment. There aren’t any footprints other than hers and the jeep rejoined the paved road about ten miles in the opposite direction from where she was dumped. After that, there’s no way to tell where they went.” “Another dead end,” Walker said. “Looks that way, although Sheriff Kramer has a forensics team going over the area, looking for any possible clues.” “Well, Alex is sleeping and there’s nothing more you can do, why don’t you find a hotel and get some shut eye.” “Sounds good, I’ll meet you at the hospital tomorrow. Did you find out anything more?” Walker filled him in on what Doctor Andrews had said and then he hung up and got up in search of something to eat.

 

After a meal in the hospital cafeteria, Walker went back to Alex’s room and relieved the nurse. He sat in the chair next to Alex’s bed and picked up her hand gently and held it between both of his. It was so fragile looking resting between his meatier hands. He lifted it to his cheek and pressed it against his beard as he stared at her face. Tears coursed silently down his cheeks as he looked at the most important person in his life. His world was wrapped around the blond woman lying in the bed and he would do everything in his power to help her. He wanted to make her happy and the only way he knew to do that was to love her. She had often told him that his love was all she needed. He just hoped that it would be enough to get them through this time.

 

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Alex woke somewhere around midnight and whimpered in fear. Walker was sitting next to the bed with his head resting on his hands in sleep. He was instantly awake as soon as he heard her stir. “Alex, it’s all right, you’re safe,” he told her. “It’s so dark,” she said as the fear enveloped her and she began to thrash slightly. Walker’s first response was to hold her to keep her from ripping out her I.V., but her struggles became even more violent. He released her suddenly and reached to turn on the reading light that was just over the bed. With the light on, Alex quieted enough to merely gaze at him fearfully.

 

“You’re safe, Alex. Is there something I can get you? Would you like some water?” he asked. He waited as she continued to stare at him and then finally, she nodded ‘yes’. Walker stood and took a step back from the bed, giving her a little bit of space. He picked up the pitcher on the nightstand and poured her a glass of water and then he pressed the button that raised the back of the bed, bringing her into a sitting position. He handed her the water and watched as her trembling hand accepted it from him.

 

She sipped the water and then looked at him. Her hair had fallen forward onto her face and Walker reached to smooth it back, his hand halted as she jerked her head back in fear. He slowly lowered his hand without touching her. He watched as her eyes drifted over to the bathroom door and deciphered what she wanted. Her body had finally become saturated with all of the liquids they had fed her both intravenously and orally. Her kidneys had begun to function and she now had a desperate need for the restroom. Walker reached for the call button to summon the nurse.

 

Charlene was still on shift. She normally worked a twelve-hour shift, but Doctor Andrews had specifically requested that she stay on to be available if Alex needed her. He thought that the fewer new people she had to contend with, the better. Charlene had readily agreed and she slept on a cot in the break room, waiting to be called if needed. The floor supervisor woke her and told her that there was a call from her patient. Charlene hurried into the room to see what was needed. Ranger Walker stood by the bed and gave her a tight smile when she entered. “My wife would like to use the restroom. I’ll be out in the hall,” he said.

 

Alex stared at him as he left and wondered how he’d known what she needed. “Well, Alex, let me disconnect you from the I.V. and you can go on in,” Charlene said in a friendly manner. After returning from the restroom, Alex walked over to the bed, but didn’t get in. “Do I have to go back on that?” she asked, looking at the bag of fluid hanging by the bed. “Doctor’s orders are that we finish off this last bag. I can turn the drip down though, so that you won’t need to get up again too soon.” “Is it all right if I walk around a little first?” Alex asked. “Sure, Alex, go right ahead.” Alex began walking around the circumference of the room. When she reached the bed that blocked her path, she turned and walked back around in the other direction.

“You keep calling me, ‘Alex’. How do you know that that really is my name?” Charlene shrugged, “I recognized you from the news reports.” “News reports? What do you mean?” “Well, you’re a well known person, with your job and all. The news kept showing your picture when you went missing and I’ve seen it so many times, I felt like I knew you the minute I saw you.” “And that man, he’s supposed to be my husband?” “Ranger Walker? Oh yes, I saw the wedding photo. You haven’t been married long though, just a couple of months. He sure is one good looking man though,” Charlene went on dreamily. Alex didn’t say anything, but continued to pace.

 

Her back was to the door when it opened and she didn’t see Walker return. He stood there watching her pace and his heart squeezed again, knowing that this was a learned behavior. She walked around the edges of her room as if she were pacing around a cell. When she turned and saw him, she stopped, looked at him consideringly and then continued on. He wasn’t as intimidating while Charlene was in the room and as long as she kept walking, the I.V. couldn’t be reattached and Charlene would have to stay in the room.

 

“Try and swing your arms while you walk,” Walker told her. Alex paused in her step and looked at him. “What?” she asked. “Like this,” he demonstrated. “Why?” she asked. “You need to increase the circulation in your arms. The doctor said that you’ve been inactive while you’ve been missing. Swinging your arms up and over your head will help get the blood flowing.” Alex debated on whether or not to follow his advice. She looked over at Charlene. “He’s right, Alex. Especially while you have the I.V. going, it’s good to move your arm as much as possible while it’s not attached.” Alex decided that it couldn’t hurt to follow the advice and she began to swing her arms up and over her head. She was surprised by how painful the action was and stopped almost immediately. “It hurts,” she complained.

 

Walker had a look of understanding on his face. “I was afraid of that,” Walker said. Alex resented the fact that he seemed to know things about her, almost before she did. “Afraid of what?” she asked with a hint of anger. “It’s an old injury. Face the wall and place the palms of your hands flat against it.” Alex again looked at Charlene, but this time, the nurse merely shrugged, not sure what Walker was talking about. Alex complied, but continued to look at Walker suspiciously. He approached her from behind and placed the palm of his hand in the middle of her shoulder blades. He began using tiny circular motions to rub circles on her back. “What are you doing?” she asked. “You have scar tissue here from an injury several years ago. It doesn’t bother you often, usually only when you’ve been lifting things that are too heavy for you, but it’s probably stiffened up. I’m just loosening the muscles around it.”

 

Alex stayed still for a few more minutes, but his hand on her back felt so warm and pleasurable, she needed to do something to break the tension. “What kind of injury was it?” she asked. ‘You were shot and the bullet entered here, where my thumbs are pressing,” he told her as he changed to a digging motion, kneading the tiny area. “Who shot me?” she asked. “A man you had helped to convict and who wanted revenge. He’s dead now; you don’t need to worry about him.” “How did he die?” she asked. “A knife wound,” Walker answered vaguely. He slid his hands up to her shoulders and clasped them tightly. He pulled her back so that her weight was no longer against the wall and rotated her shoulders. Then he reached down her arm and lifted it high above her head, stretching it and then lowering it. He did the same with the other arm and despite her resentment and misgivings; she had to admit that it felt good. She hadn’t even realized she had a knot in her back until he’d begun to work on it. He reached down both of her arms and lifted them up together. Standing there, with her arms stretched up over her head, caused her an intense feeling of fear. It was sudden and violent, like the fear she had when she had woken to a pitch black room. She screamed and began to struggle.

 

Walker immediately released her and stepped back. Alex whirled and faced him, ready to do battle. Walker raised his hands in front of himself in a placating gesture and stepped back another step. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said. Alex stood there breathing deeply and trembling. “Maybe you should get back to bed,” Charlene intervened. “No,” Walker argued, “she’s had a fright and her body is full of adrenaline. She needs to walk it off, just like she needed to walk after she was frightened by the dark.” Alex glared at him, knowing he was right and resenting him for it. Walker stepped into the middle of the room so that she could resume her pacing around the room’s edges without having to approach him. Alex did begin to walk, but after a prompt from Walker, she also began to swing her arms. This time, the movement was uncomfortable, but no longer painful. After twenty minutes, she went into the restroom and then came back out and slipped into the bed.

 

Charlene reattached the I.V., straightened her covers, and reached up to turn the light off. Walker’s hand captured hers and stopped her from turning the light off. “Leave it on,” was all he said, but Charlene complied. It was an act of kindness and Alex knew it, but somehow, she resented it too. But her fear of being plunged back into darkness was greater than her anger toward this man who knew her better than she knew herself. Charlene brought the call button up so that it was within easy reach of Alex’s free hand. “You just press this if you need me again,” she said and left the room.

 

Alex looked at Walker, he handed her another glass of water. “Here, drink this,” was all he said. He pulled the chair back away from the bed and set it against the wall. After Alex finished the water, again not knowing how he knew she was thirsty, he took the cup and placed it back on the nightstand. He went over to sit in the chair and pulled his cowboy hat down so that it was covering his eyes. He leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest and settled as if to sleep. All of his actions were designed to ease Alex’s fears. She turned onto her side, facing him, and after lowering the back of the bed only slightly, she fell asleep.

 

Walker waited until he was certain that she was in a deep sleep and then he moved the chair back to her bedside and softly chanted to her, a soothing sound that had lulled her into a deep dreamless sleep in the past when nightmares had plagued her sleep. Watching her face, he was rewarded when he saw her expression relax and her breathing deepen and even out. He covered her hand with his and rested his head beside it. They both slept until morning.

 

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Walker woke first and he eased out of the room and sought out Charlene. “I’d like you to go in and sit with my wife. I’m going to go find a place to shower and some clothes to change into. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I’d appreciate it if you’d help her to change into the clothes I brought for her after the doctor examines her and says that she can be released.” Charlene agreed to his requests and headed into the room to wait for Alex to wake up.

 

Walker used his cell phone to call Trivette. “Hello,” came the groggy response. “Trivette, don’t tell me you’re still asleep?” “Walker, what time is it man?” “It’s after seven Trivette,” he said sounding astounded that anyone could sleep so long. It was a long running joke between the two. “After seven? Holy Toledo! How could I have slept in so long?” Trivette played along. “I have no idea. Listen, I could really use a shower and a change of clothes, I was wondering if I could crash your hotel room and use the facilities? I’ll buy you breakfast to pay you back.” “Well, with an offer like that, how can a guy refuse? I’m over at the Traveler’s Inn, just across from the hospital. There’s a Wal-Mart at the end of the block if you need to buy anything. I stopped in and got a change of clothes last night.” “Thanks, I’ll do that and meet you in say… an hour?” “Sounds good, I’m in room 233.”

 

Walker stopped at the nurses’ station and made sure that they had his cell phone number to reach him if they needed to. He walked out of the hospital and enjoyed a brisk walk to Wal-Mart. It was just opening as he arrived and he went straight to the men’s department and purchased a few necessities. He then headed back to Trivette’s hotel and banged on the door. Trivette had showered and dressed and was watching the morning news when Walker arrived. “Make it quick Walker, I’m starved.” “Tell me something I don’t know,” Walker said as he headed on into the bathroom.

 

He emerged fifteen minutes later, looking and smelling better. He had put his dirty clothes into the Wal-Mart bag and he asked Trivette where he wanted to eat breakfast. “There’s a Denny’s just around the block, I had dinner there,” Trivette told him. “Okay, Denny’s it is,” he said and then stopped as he saw that the newscast was reporting about Alex. “Turn it up, Trivette.” The same pictures that had been being shown for nearly three weeks now appeared on the screen. “Deputy District Attorney Alex Cahill-Walker was found yesterday. The Tarrant County DA’s office refuses to divulge information other than to say that she is alive and well. We will update you with further developments as soon as we are able to.” “Well, I guess the cat’s not out of the bag yet,” Trivette observed. “No, but it won’t take long. They won’t quit until they know how she is and where she is.” “We’ll handle it. Now, let’s go, I’m starved!” Walker rolled his eyes at his friend, but he too was hungry and would kill for a cup of coffee.

 

They went to Denny’s and Walker filled him in on the latest developments regarding Alex, including her fear and hostility towards him. “Walker, you don’t know how hard it is to be around someone who knows everything and is better at everything than you are.” “What are you talking about, Trivette?” “When we were first partnered, it was a struggle everyday to go into work and watch you out-fight, out-figure, out-shoot, out… everything, me! It took a lot of long talks with CD for me to stick it out. You’re just one of those people who ooze self-confidence.” “You have skills and knowledge that I can’t hope to have.” “I know I found my niche; I’ve pulled you kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century.”

 

Trivette looked at Walker to see if he understood what he was trying to get across. “Alex is another one who has enough confidence not to be intimidated by you. There aren’t many people who can hold their own when you’re around and she is definitely one of them. But right now, her confidence has been shattered. She doesn’t even know her own name and here’s this guy who knows that her shoulder’s ache even before she does. He not only knows that they ache, but he knows why and he knows how to fix it. Walker, put yourself in her shoes, wouldn’t you resent someone who knew every intimate detail about you when you couldn’t remember if you liked your eggs scrambled or fried?” Walker looked at the remains of the eggs on his plate. “She likes hers poached,” he said. “See what I mean? Ease off, let her tell you that something hurts, let her ask questions. Don’t just read her and tell her what she wants and how she feels.” Walker looked at Trivette with his eyes narrowed in thought. “When did you get so smart?” he asked his partner and best friend. “I learned from some pretty impressive people; my mother, CD, you, and Alex,” Trivette answered the rhetorical question. The easy camaraderie between the two helped to allay Walker’s fears and he now felt ready to face whatever the day brought.

 

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Alex ate the scrambled eggs and banana pudding on her plate. She drank the milk and then flipped on the television, while she waited for Doctor Andrews to come and release her from the hospital. The local morning news was on and she watched to see what was happening in the world. Nothing sounded or looked familiar to her. She recognized the names of sports teams, but she didn’t know how they were doing that season and she wasn’t sure if she would have known if she did have her memory. At the top of the hour, they announced the top news stories and for the first time, she saw herself on television. She watched as they said that she had been found, but that no details had been released other than to say that she was alive and reported to be in stable condition.

 

Alex’s attention was riveted on the pictures. The first was of her smiling into the camera and was a close up. She saw another that showed her in a wedding dress, standing next to Ranger Walker. She looked at her expression in the picture and she couldn’t deny that she looked like a woman completely in love. The next picture showed her receiving some type of award, but it didn’t say why. It was like looking at pictures of a stranger who had certain features in common with you. She didn’t recognize the places or the events. She didn’t have any memory attached to any of the pictures shown. The final picture they showed was another close up. This time, she was on the steps of a courthouse and being interviewed. She was wearing a dark colored business suit and looked confident. Alex couldn’t imagine ever being that confident.

 

Doctor Andrews came in just as the story ended. “Beautiful lady isn’t she?” he asked as if the woman on the screen was someone else. That’s exactly how Alex felt, as if the woman on the screen were truly someone else. “She looks confident and in control,” Alex stated. “That she does. Maybe in the not so distant future, you’ll look like that too,” he said. Alex shrugged her shoulders, “maybe.” “How’d last night go?” he asked. “Fine, I slept well.” “And you ate your breakfast?” “Most of it; the portions are too large,” she excused herself. “Well, you’re stomach will stretch and then you’ll be eating normally again.” “Is there a reason why I’m only offered yellow food?” she asked. The doctor chuckled, “No reason, just thought it went well with your hair. Seriously, I want you to stick to a bland diet for awhile. Add items slowly and if anything doesn’t agree with you, stay away from it.” “Even without a memory, I think I could figure that out,” she said. Then she looked apologetic. This man had been nothing but kind and she was being ornery. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so cranky.” “That’s all right, maybe you’re not a morning person,” he said. She smiled, “Maybe.”

 

Doctor Andrews completed his examination and pronounced her ready to be released from the hospital. Alex had mixed feelings on the subject. She didn’t necessarily like being in the hospital, but it was safe and the unknown frightened her. Would she be expected to go back to her life and live as if nothing had happened? Was she supposed to be Ranger Walker’s wife? A thrill shot through her that she suppressed and denied, even to herself. The doctor left and Charlene began to help her to shower and get dressed. Alex put the dress on and looked at herself in the mirror. The pastel colors suited her perfectly and the sandals fit her comfortably. She applied the makeup, her sunburn having already begun to turn into a tan. After she was finished, her hair combed out and lying on her shoulders, she looked at herself in the mirror. She was beginning to look like the woman she had seen on television; if you didn’t notice the fear in her eyes.

 

Charlene stood looking at Alex. “Alex, you sure are beautiful,” she complimented her. Alex blushed and said, “Thank you; it’s amazing what a little make up will do.” “Honey, there isn’t enough make up in the world to make me look a tenth as beautiful as you.” Alex looked puzzled for a minute and then asked. “Where did all of this come from? Everything fits and looks as if it was bought just for me…” “It was, silly. Ranger Walker went out yesterday and purchased all of it for you.” Now Alex’s cheeks really turned red. She thought of the silky underwear and the bra that fit perfectly. He had selected all of this… the dress that complimented her complexion and the sandals that were a perfect fit… even the make up?!

 

She was still flustered thinking about it when he walked in with the black man she’d seen yesterday. “Wow, Counselor, you look amazing,” the black man said with a grin. He had a friendly open face and if she wasn’t so aware of the man standing next to him, she would have been tempted to smile back. Alex looked at Walker and saw the admiration in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he just smiled at her.

 

“Wow, Walkman, you picked this out? I guess you’re gonna have to do better in the future about getting her great gifts. She’ll be expecting it now,” Trivette babbled on, forgetting for a moment the situation. Suddenly, he realized what he’d said and he looked at Alex. “I’m sorry, Counselor; I’m putting my foot in my mouth again.” Alex looked at him, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember if they told me your name.” “James Trivette, but you call me Jimmy. Or… you used to anyway and I hope you will again. I’m Walker’s partner and one of your best friends, even if I do say so myself.”

 

“You talk too much, partner,” Walker chastised him mildly. “But Trivette here likes to shop and the two of you disappear together periodically to go to the mall.” “Well, uhmm… it’s nice to meet you… Jimmy,” Alex said as she extended her hand to shake his. Jimmy lifted it to his lips and kissed it and then gave it a squeeze, “I’m so glad that you’re okay. We’ve been going crazy with worry,” he said sincerely. “Thank you,” she said, not knowing how to respond, but instantly liking this friendly man. “Why do you keep calling me, Counselor?” she asked. “I always have. Walker here is Walkman, CD is Big Dog, and you’re Counselor. I remember meeting you while I was working on a case and you were so professional and I just started calling you ‘Counselor’ out of respect and it’s kinda stuck.” “And yes, he always talks this much,” Walker said with wry affection. Even Alex smiled at the obvious friendship between the two men.

 

There was a knock on the door and Walker stepped back to open it, he conferred with the guard and then stepped aside to let the two people outside the door in. Harold and Doris Skinner were there to check up on Alex. “Oh my!” Doris said as she got her first look at her. “I wouldn’t have recognized you if it wasn’t for those pictures on television,” she said staring at the beautiful woman standing in the center of the room, surrounded by people. “I guess, I clean up pretty well,” Alex said, trying to deflect some of the attention, it was becoming overwhelming. “I’ll say,” Harold stammered. His wife gave him a playful smack on his arm, “Close your mouth dear, you’re catching flies.” There were chuckles around the room.

 

“I’m really glad that you came by, I don’t think I got the chance to thank you properly yesterday, you saved my life,” Alex said sincerely. “Well, we are just glad that we were in the right place at the right time,” Doris said. “I take it they’re letting you out of here. What are your plans?” she asked. Alex looked around at the others in the room, not sure how to answer that. “We’re going to call and have the Ranger helicopter come to fly us home. Alex isn’t up to a long car ride and I want her safely at the ranch before the reporters get wind of where she is.” “The ranch?” Alex asked. “Yes, we have a ranch just outside of Dallas,” he supplied the information. Alex gulped; a helicopter would get them there very fast. “I don’t know that I’m really up for a helicopter ride,” she said as an excuse.

 

Doris looked at her husband and then said, “Well, we bypassed Dallas on this trek across America. I wouldn’t mind seeing it. What if we gave you all a lift back up there in the RV? That way Alex can stretch out and rest if she needs to.” Walker saw the anxiety reduce in Alex’s face and decided then and there to agree to the suggestion. “That’s very kind of you, but if you’re going to do that, then I insist you stay with us at the ranch, at least for a few days.” He thought that the perfect opportunity had just presented itself. “Well, I wouldn’t mind using it as a home base while we explored the area,” Harold said. “But we’d insist on sleeping in the RV, it’s sort of our ‘home away from home’,” Doris added so that there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding that they expected to move into this couple’s home. “Whatever makes you the most comfortable, we’d love the company,” he said. Then he looked at Alex and added as if it were an afterthought, “How does that sound to you, Alex?” “Oh wonderful,” she gushed. It was hard to accept, but Walker knew he’d made the right decision. “Well, we’ll go gas up and get ready to go and we’ll meet you downstairs in say, an hour?” Harold offered. “Sounds great,” Walker agreed.

 

The couple left and Walker told Alex that he and Trivette had some business to finish up with the sheriff and they exited too. “Great, a three hour ride in an RV; sounds thrilling,” Trivette grumbled. “I think it’s what Alex wants. She seems to feel comfortable with them. And maybe this way, they can act as a buffer once we get home until she gets more comfortable around me.” Trivette looked at his partner and thought that he must truly love his wife to be willing to invite virtual strangers to his home just to make her more comfortable. Then he grinned to himself, of course Walker loved her that much; he’d do anything for her. “Why don’t you go checkout of your hotel and call the sheriff to see if they turned anything up on those tire treads. I’m going to check in with Doctor Andrews one last time and then do all the paperwork necessary to spring Alex.” “Okay, I’ll see you soon,” Trivette agreed.

 

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The ride to Dallas was uneventful. Alex sat up the entire way, despite offers to let her lie down. She chatted with Doris most of the way there and they struck up a friendship that helped to ease the strain of the unknown future she faced. Walker gave Alex her space and watched her from a distance. He rode shotgun once they neared the ranch to give Harold directions. They pulled into the ranch and Walker saw the car hidden in the stand of trees. He assumed it was a news crew as he hadn’t requested security at the ranch. He used his cell phone to call the sheriff, who was a personal friend of his, and asked him to send some deputies out to deal with the reporters. Harold just looked at him and wondered what he and Doris had gotten themselves into.

 

Walker had Harold pull up near the barn where he could park the RV and hook up to the power outlet there. Everyone unloaded and Alex looked around her in awe of the beauty of the place. “Why don’t we go in and I’ll give you all a tour of the place,” Walker offered casually. He wanted to give Alex a tour without overwhelming her. The Skinners readily agreed; Doris was anxious to see inside the ranch styled house. Walker managed to get Trivette to the side and told him of the car he’d seen. Trivette meandered down to the road to check things out.

 

Walker led Doris, Harold, and Alex, up to the front porch. He unlocked the door and held it for everyone to enter. He guided them around the living room area, answering questions about the Native American Art displayed in his home. Alex discovered that her husband was half-Cherokee during the conversation. She listened to his explanations, but she didn’t ask anything herself. Walker took care to point out changes she had made since their marriage. Between the honeymoon and her abduction, they had only spent a little over a month living at the ranch as man and wife. He told them of future projects his wife had planned for the different rooms as he led them through.

 

After completing the tour of the downstairs, he led them all upstairs where he showed them Alex’s office, three guest bedrooms and the master bedroom. Alex needed to use the restroom and Doris had already excused herself when Walker had pointed out the downstairs guest bathroom. Walker saw her fidgeting and guessed her dilemma. “If you need the restroom, it’s right in there,” he said as he pointed his finger to the door through the bedroom. We’ll be downstairs on the porch. I’ll see if I can find some ice tea or something for everyone to drink.” Alex nodded her head and waited for them to all head downstairs before heading into the master bedroom and then the bathroom.

 

She closed and locked the door behind her before using the facilities. She looked around and saw the same brand of makeup that she was wearing laid out on the counter. After some minor snooping, she headed back out to the master bedroom. It was clear that she had started in the bedroom when she began to make changes. It was a blend of feminine and masculine. She liked the room, but it didn’t bring back any memories. She walked over to the chest of drawers and pulled out the top one. There were several pairs of underwear, similar style and colors to what she was currently wearing. There were bras as well and she noted that they too looked similar to what he had bought her. Alex walked over to the closet and slid one of the doors open. Inside was a mix of professional clothes and casual clothes. She had a lot of clothes and she reached out and touched them, trying to capture some memory that they might trigger, but there was nothing. Alex closed the door and headed downstairs to join the others.

 

Sitting on the porch, the four people looked up when Alex joined them. Walker lifted a glass and handed it to her. She took it, being careful not to touch his fingers. She sipped the tea and found that it was exactly as she liked it, a little weak and sweetened just right. She nearly dropped it when she realized that she had just had her first memory. She remembered how she liked her tea and obviously, her husband had remembered too. She looked at him and saw that he watched her with a puzzled concerned expression. He must have seen her expression when she realized that she had had a memory, she realized. She slid her features into a neutral expression and sat in one of the rocking chairs on the porch. It didn’t feel natural sitting in the chair, she kept looking at the swing that Doris and Harold sat on and decided that given the choice, that’s where she would have sat. She looked at Walker and saw that once again, he had followed her train of thought. It was uncanny how they communicated without words. He seemed to read her mind.

 

An SUV headed up the drive and a rotund man came out and headed straight for her. He moved quickly despite his size and he reached her and lifted her bodily out of the chair and hugged her tightly to his chest. “Oh darlin’,” he said with a sob in his throat. Alex relaxed against him, she felt safe cushioned against his padded chest. He pushed her back to look at her. “Oh, but you’re a sight for sore eyes!” he said and pulled her in for another squeeze. “The good lord has answered my prayers and brought you back to me, darlin’.” Alex stood in the man’s embrace and for the first time since she’d woken in the badlands, she felt safe and at ease. She stepped back when he released her enough to do so, and Walker took the opportunity to make the introductions. “CD, this is Harold and Doris Skinner, they’re the couple who found Alex. CD Parker here is my former partner. He owns and operates CD’s Bar and Grill now.” The information was as much for Alex’s sake as anyone’s, but Walker didn’t point that out to her.

 

“Well, anyone hungry?” CD asked. “Walker gave me a holler and said to bring out some vittles for all you fine folks. Alex, honey, I brought you some of my famous chicken and dumplings.” “More yellow food,” Alex laughed. CD asked what she meant and she told him what her diet had consisted of. “Well, I never thought of it, but I guess yellow food is blander. Now red food, that’s what you usually want, but none of that for now.” “Red food?” she questioned. “Chili, you love my chili, the hotter the better. I decided years ago that you were born on the sun. No one I know says my chili ain’t spicy enough, but you darlin’.”

 

The group headed inside and Doris chimed in, “If you’ve brought spicy chili, I think I’ll share Alex’s dumplings. My stomach doesn’t do well with spicy either. That is if there’s enough to share.” “Oh don’t worry about that,” Trivette chimed in, “CD will have brought enough to feed an army. In fact, I’ll bet he’s been cooking for Alex since I called him last night.” “You’d be wrong there, son. I’ve been cookin’ for Alex since Walker here called me yesterday afternoon.” The group all laughed and then had to agree that he must have. He had individually packaged containers labeled and ready to go into the freezer. He had enough chili and chicken and dumplings to feed them all twice over. He’d also brought steak and fish to barbecue later for dinner.

 

The rest of the day was spent listening to CD and Trivette trying to outdo each other in tall tales. Doris and Harold told of their adventures in their RV and their six kids who were all strung out across the entire continent, prompting their trip to visit them all. Doris showed pictures of her grandkids and told about the one her daughter, who lived in Lubbock, was expecting in a week’s time. They were headed there to be there for the birth of the latest addition to their dynasty.

 

Walker and Alex were able to just sit quietly and relax in the comfortable atmosphere. As evening fell and they finished their barbecued fish and beef, Doris offered a videotape she had in the RV. It was an action thriller with Harrison Ford, Air Force One. She retrieved it and they all settled in the living room to watch it. Walker was sitting in his usual chair and he watched Alex more than he watched the movie. It was clear that she was tired, but she wasn’t about to admit it. As the movie ended, Walker gave CD and Trivette a look that they both recognized. “Well folks, this sure has been fun, but I best be gettin’ these old bones on back to the stockyards. I gotta make sure my waitresses don’t forget to close the place up tonight,” CD said by way of explanation for his early departure. “Well, Big Dog, I guess I best bum a ride from you since my car is still at work.” “All right, Jimmy, you can help carry out the empty dishes,” CD offered. Doris and Harold also said goodnight and headed out to their RV.

 

Alex stood looking at Walker and all the fear had clearly returned. “Why don’t you go on up? I’ll lockup down here,” Walker said. “Your nightgowns are in the chest of drawers, second drawer down.” Walker continued to look busy as he walked around and checked windows he knew were secure and turned off lights. Alex slowly turned and headed up the stairs. She went into the bedroom and found the most modest gown she could find and headed into the bathroom where she again locked the door. While she was in there, she looked around to try and decide what was hers and what was his. There was an electronic toothbrush with two different brushes, but she had no idea which one she was supposed to use. She searched the drawers and found a new one and put it on the base to brush her teeth. She stalled in the bathroom as long as she dared and then, with her robe wrapped securely around her, ventured out into the main room.

 

Walker had already changed for bed. He wore a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, far more than he usually wore in the summer, but he was trying to make things as easy for her as possible. Alex stood just inside the room and looked everywhere, but at him. “That’s your side,” he pointed to the side of the bed, she normally slept on. “Uhmm… she hesitated, “I can sleep in one of the guestrooms,” she offered. “Alex, this is your home, your room, your bed. You sleep here.” His statement brooked no argument. She looked at him and he waited for her to explode at him and to tell him how it was going to be. The Alex he knew and loved would do just that. Certainly, the Alex he’d met and angered over seven years before would have done just that. This Alex didn’t though; she meekly went to her side of the bed and sat down on it with her back to him.

 

Walker got up and headed into the bathroom. When he came back into the room, Alex had slipped her robe off and laid it on the end of the bed. She was under the covers, with her back to his side of the bed. Her lamp was on and she was scooted to the farthest extreme edge that she could get to. Walker walked around to her side and knelt down beside her. He watched her eyes widen in fear as he looked at her. “I don’t bite, and I know that for now, I’m a stranger to you. I promise that I won’t make any… advances, until you’re ready for them.” He reached out a hand and stroked her hair back from her forehead and then kissed the skin he’d exposed. Standing up, he reached to switch off the lamp. “No… please, I’d like the light on,” she pleaded. The light was a high wattage bulb for reading in bed. He looked around and then had a thought.

 

Going into the guestroom, he got an urn shaped lamp that gave off an indirect light. It glowed rather than shone. It was one she’d had in her apartment and had ended up in the guestroom when they combined households. It didn’t really fit in with anything, but Alex wanted to keep it around, as it was the one he’d hung his gun on and nearly forgotten once, early in their relationship, when he’d gotten all flustered by her long legs that were exposed by a short robe. It was a moment she never intended to let him live down. He carried the heavy lamp into the master bedroom and placed it in the corner of the room on Alex’s side. He plugged it in and switched it on and then turned off her lamp on her nightstand. “How’s that?” he asked. “That’s fine, thank you,” she murmured, surprised by his thoughtfulness. Going around to his side of the bed, Walker slid under the covers and tried to remain still so as not to startle her. It took quite some time, but Alex finally relaxed into sleep and after he listened to her even breathing for awhile, Walker followed suit.

 

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Alex awoke late in the morning, when the sun rose to shine brightly in the bedroom window. She was facing the window and blinked as she opened her eyes slowly. She was disoriented for a moment, but then she saw the urn shaped lamp in the corner of the room and the memories of the previous day and night, came flooding back. She listened carefully, but didn’t hear breathing next to her. She cautiously turned her head to find that the space next to her was empty, although, clearly, it had been slept in. Alex slid out from under the covers and headed to the bathroom. It too proved to be empty, so she went back to the bedroom door and closed and locked it.

 

After showering, she walked around the bedroom in her towel, looking for something to wear. There was quite a bit to choose from, but she finally settled on a pair of tan Capri pants with a sleeveless blouse, the color of her eyes. She applied makeup and pulled her hair up into a loose ponytail with wisps around her face. It was going to be a hot day and she wanted to be dressed appropriately for it. She stood and surveyed herself in the mirror for a moment. If she was critical about her appearance, she would have to admit that she was too thin. Her complexion though, was already looking better; the tan helped. It was her eyes that were the most telling though. She looked… uncertain. Somehow, she didn’t think that it was a familiar look on her. She couldn’t remember anything specific, but it felt strange to be so tentative. She sighed deeply and decided to forgo the introspection until after breakfast. She unlocked the door and headed downstairs.

 

There was a familiar smell in the air; it was something she hadn’t had since she couldn’t remember when. So, okay, that wasn’t very long, but her mouth began to water as she neared the kitchen. Walker was standing in the kitchen talking to his two guests who were seated at the table. He was wearing jeans and a black T-shirt and was holding a spatula. “Anyone for more?” he asked, looking expectantly at Doris and Harold. He seemed to sense Alex’s arrival and turned to look at her. “Hey, you’re just in time for my famous flapjacks,” he said with a smile as he raised his coffee mug to his lips and took a swallow. “Oh, coffee…” Alex said as she approached him and took his mug from his hands and took a sip with her eyes closed. She stood there, holding the mug to her face, breathing in the aroma and took another sip before opening her eyes and seeing the expression on Walker’s face. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” she stumbled over the words, horrified at her own actions. She had just ripped this man’s coffee cup from his hands and drank it without so much as a ‘by your leave.’ She colored in mortification as she handed the mug back to him.

 

Walker took the mug and then set it on the counter and reached up into the cupboard to get another one down. “Don’t worry about it, you always drink my coffee,” he told her as he poured her a fresh cup and handed it to her. “Cream and sugar are on the table,” he said with a nod of his head, indicating where to find it. “Go have a seat and I’ll bring you a plate over,” he offered.

 

Alex, glad to be able to get away from the embarrassing situation, walked over to the table and sat down. “Good morning,” she said to Harold and Doris. “Good morning dear, did you sleep well?” Doris asked her in a motherly fashion. “Yes, thank you, I did.” “Same here; all this fresh air is great for putting you right to sleep. You have a beautiful home here,” Doris added. Alex wasn’t sure how to respond to the compliment. She didn’t feel that she had any right to lay claim on something she had no memory of contributing to. Walker interjected, setting a plate of steaming flapjacks with two strips of bacon in front of her. “Alex has made it into a home,” he told Doris. He set his own plate down and handed Alex the butter and syrup. He went back to the kitchen and brought the coffee pot over, can I warm anyone’s up?” he asked. Both Doris and Harold accepted the offer of more coffee. Alex concentrated on her breakfast.

 

After they finished their meal, Walker suggested a tour of the immediate grounds. Alex was anxious to see more of her surroundings, so she eagerly agreed. Walker headed out towards the barn and introduced them to all the horses. There was one beautiful pure white horse that trotted up to the corral fence and whinnied several times. “Wow, she’s beautiful,” Alex said. “She’s missed you,” Walker replied. Alex looked at him questioningly. Walker turned to the Skinners, making his explanation to them, even though it was for Alex’s benefit. “Angel is Alex’s horse. She’s got a sweet disposition, but she is definitely a one woman horse.”

 

Angel stood at the fence calling Alex over. Walker reached into his back jeans pocket and pulled out a carrot and handed it to Alex. “Don’t forget her carrot, she’ll never forgive you if you do,” he said casually. Alex took the carrot and approached the fence. She stood close enough for the horse to take the carrot from her hand and then she reached up and stroked her nose. Angel, who was completely smitten with her mistress, nuzzled her nose into Alex neck and made soft nickering noises. Alex laughed and reached both of her arms around the horse’s neck and gave her a huge hug. Angel hung her head over her mistress’ back and snuggled up to her as close as she could.

 

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Doris said, amazed at the horse’s devotion to Alex. “That horse fell in love with Alex the first time she saw her. She took one look at Alex, whinnied, and has been in love ever since. Ranger is quite jealous.” “Ranger?” Harold asked puzzled. A black stallion came trotting up to the fence, shaking his mane and calling to Angel. “I take it that’s Ranger?” Harold said with a chuckle. “That’s Ranger,” Walker said wryly as he walked to the corral to stand beside Alex and offer a carrot to his horse as a distraction from his lady love. Alex stepped back after her hug from her horse and greeted the jealous stallion. “Oh my, what a beautiful boy. Aren’t you just the most handsome man around?” she gushed to the horse, appeasing his male ego. “Alex, stop spoiling my horse, it’s not as if you haven’t completely ruined yours,” Walker grumbled.

 

Alex stepped back, apologizing. Walker cursed himself, he just couldn’t get used to this meek mouse who looked like his lioness wife. “I’m joking with you,” he said as he placed his hand on her back and guided her back to the fence. “Ranger is every bit as spoiled as Angel.” He had expected her to make a comeback saying just that. He had to remember that she wasn’t the same person he kept expecting her to be. He decided to change the subject. “How would you all like to go for a ride and see a bit of the ranch? We can pack a picnic and ride up to the lake, it’ll be cooler there,” he offered. “Well, Harold and I rode packhorses down into the Grand Canyon, but neither one of us is what you would call an expert rider,” Doris said. “Oh, I’ve got a couple horses that would suit you just fine. If Trivette can ride ‘em, I’m sure you two can,” he said. They agreed to try and he sent Doris and Alex into the house to pack a lunch while he and Harold saddled up the mounts.

 

The women made sandwiches and packed fruit and some apple turnovers that CD had brought the day before. Alex opened the cupboard and pulled out a thermos that she filled with ice and lemonade. Doris watched her and didn’t say a word, but catalogued the little detail away to share later with Walker. He’d asked her to keep an eye on Alex when he wasn’t around and to let him know if she showed any signs of remembering things. Her automatic reach for the thermos was one of those ‘automatic memory’ things that even Alex herself wasn’t aware she did. Walker was such a nice man and if she could give him the slightest encouragement that his wife would be returned to him whole, then she would.

 

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The foursome rode at a slow walk up to the lake where Walker and Alex had spent many a romantic picnic. They loosened the horses’ cinches and let them graze while they spread out the blanket and just enjoyed the breeze coming off the lake and cooling them. Doris and Harold were content to just sit and relax in the shade of the trees. Walker looked at Alex and suggested a short walk around the lake. She was restless and agreed, despite her misgivings.

 

Walker walked beside her; pointing out wildlife or traces that wildlife had been there. Alex was amazed; she would have missed it if it weren’t for him. They were on the opposite bank when a snake surprised them. It was coiled, lying in the shade of a dead tree trunk. Walker heard it before Alex was aware that it was there. It was poised to strike and lightening fast, he made a grab for it and caught it behind its head and tossed it off into the bushes.

 

It all happened so fast that Alex thought she’d dreamt it. She stood there trembling and he reached for her hand and held it in his large warm ones. “I…” she began and stammered to a halt. “It’s all right, I’m sorry you were startled. We just stepped in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was innocently napping in the shade and we invaded its territory. It really just wanted to be left alone.” “Are there more?” she asked. “It’s possible, but not likely, they’ll be going underground to stay cool soon. They’re attracted by the water and its coolness, just like we are. I haven’t seen a snake up here more than a couple of times though.”

 

Walker laughed softly, and then explained, as she looked at him with a question in her eyes. “The first time I brought you here, a snake was sunning on a rock and you startled it by tossing your hat on it. I picked up the snake in your hat and tossed it over to here. I thought you’d appreciate the effort, but you were so mad at me for tossing away your favorite hat; you made me hike all the way around here and get it for you.” Alex couldn’t imagine making this big tough looking man do anything. “I did?” she asked awed. “You did, but we became friends that day. It was almost eight years ago and we’ve been best friends ever since.” That was another thing Alex couldn’t imagine, being friends with the man. He seemed to be one of those all or none people, you either loved him or hated him. She decided to end that train of thought. “We better get back,” she said nervously. “Yes, I’m getting hungry,” he said agreeably and turned to continue around the lake. He didn’t let go of her hand though and she was afraid to ask for it back, so she left it where it was.

 

“Look there,” Doris said to her husband with a poke to his ribs. She’d seen Walker and Alex coming back and noted that they were holding hands. “You’re such a romantic,” her husband chided her. “I’ve never heard you complain,” she answered back. He chuckled at her; nearly forty years of marriage and he still loved her as much as he ever had. “They do make an attractive couple,” he commented. “They sure do. I just hope they can find their way back to each other. Some people were just meant to be together and those two were definitely made for each other.” Doris watched as they approached the blanket and said a little prayer that God would bring them back together.

 

Doris broke out the sandwiches and Alex passed out cups of lemonade as they all sat and ate the tasty lunch. “What happened to the apple turnovers?” Walker asked after he finished his second sandwich. Doris chuckled at him and handed him one. “Alex, are you ready for one?” She looked up, having barely managed the sandwich, and shook her head. “No, give it to… him,” she said nodding to Walker. It was the first time she found herself needing to have a name for him and not knowing what to call him. She’d only heard CD call him by his first name, but it just didn’t feel natural to her. Doris caught the uncertainty and turned to Walker. “I heard CD call you Cordell last night, does anyone else call you by your first name?” Walker picked up on the reason for the question and answered. “My Cherokee name is ‘Washo’; it means ‘Lone Eagle’. My mother called me ‘Cordell’, but now, no one calls me by my first name except CD. Even Alex calls me Walker.” “I imagine she calls you other names as well,” Doris hinted. “Usually, when she’s mad at me,” he joked. He didn’t want to mention her special name for him; he hoped that she would remember it on her own.

 

After dozing in the sun for some time, they mounted and headed back to the ranch. Walker looked at Alex and saw the pensive look on her face. He knew that she was dealing with a lot and he decided to add some fun. “I’ll race you,” he said as they neared the ranch. Alex looked up, “Oh, but Doris and Harold…” “We’re fine, you two go ahead. We’ll meet you there,” Harold answered for them. Angel felt the change in Alex’s posture and began to prance. “Ready, set, go!” Walker said as he dug his heels into Ranger’s sides. It took little prompting and both horses went into a full gallop, racing back to the barn. Alex leaned over Angel’s neck and felt the breeze blowing her hat off of her head and her hair streamed down from her ponytail and around her face. Walker looked back at her and grinned and she grinned back spontaneously. They thundered into the barnyard and slowed the horses.

 

Once there, they dropped into a lope and cooled the horses as they relaxed into the slower gait and then down to a trot and finally a walk. Alex hadn’t known that she was such a gifted rider, but it felt completely natural to her to sit a horse. They continued to walk around as they cooled the horses down and she looked at Walker, his cowboy hat, boots and Levi’s branding him as a cowboy, all the way through. “How did I manage to marry a cowboy?” Alex asked. It wasn’t until she saw him stop and look at her that she realized she’d spoken the words aloud. “What did you say?” he asked. “I… I’m sorry, I just…” again Alex stammered into silence. “I’m not offended, Alex, it’s just that that’s what you’ve called me for years.” She looked at him puzzled, “a cowboy?” He shrugged his shoulders, “I think the first time you used that, it was ‘Crazy Cowboy,’ but later… well, it’s sort of your nickname for me.” He didn’t say that she called him, her ‘Cowboy’. He didn’t want to press the issue, so he turned his attention to Doris and Harold who rode into the yard.

 

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That evening, CD and Trivette came back out and joined the others for dinner. It was a more relaxed evening than the one before and Trivette challenged CD to horseshoes. Soon, he and CD were teamed against Doris and Harold. CD claimed that he had a severe handicap on his team, named Trivette, but they still managed to win the game. “Okay, Alex, Walker, your turn,” Trivette called them from where they sat at the picnic table in the yard, cheering on the others. “Come on Alex, let’s show them how it’s done,” Walker said as he grabbed her hand and drug her over before she could protest. Again, Alex found that she knew how to play the game without knowing how or why. She was quite skilled and she and Walker were victorious over the two men, much to CD’s chagrin. The evening ended when Trivette and CD headed back to town, CD to work at the Bar and Grill and Trivette to go home and get some sleep. The next day was a workday for him and he was carrying Walker’s load, in addition to his own. Doris and Harold also turned in.

 

Walker watched as Alex began to stiffen up. For some reason, she was still very apprehensive about being left alone with him. “Are you tired yet?” he asked. She shrugged, “A little, but I don’t think I’m ready to turn in.” “Yeah, me either.” He privately thought that if things were normal, they would have gone on upstairs anyway, not being tired was key to newlyweds, and they still qualified. He knew that what he wanted was out of the question, so instead, he pulled out photo albums and went through them with her. He opened the first book and set it on her lap. He let her flip the pages at her own pace and didn’t tell her who the people were or anything about the photos unless she asked.

 

The third album he laid in her lap was their wedding album. She slowly turned these pages, astonished that their wedding had been such a lavish affair. “How many people were there?” she asked. “In your words, 'three hundred and fifty people give or take a few'.” “Why was it such a large wedding?” she asked curious. “Because that’s what you wanted,” he answered truthfully. “You don’t seem like the type of person who’d want a huge wedding,” she observed. “No, it wasn’t my idea to invite so many people, but I had a great time and it was an amazing wedding. In fact, I think it was the happiest day of my life to date.” She looked at him and then colored, uncertain how to proceed.

 

Walker saw her nervousness and he leaned in and held her chin in his hand, tilting her face to him. “I made the mistake once of kissing you without your permission. You made me pay for that for months, so I’ll ask this time. Is it all right if I kiss you?” he asked. She looked at his blue gray eyes; they were more blue than she had seen them. Her eyes locked on his and try as she might; she couldn’t find the words to say no. He leaned in towards her very slowly, giving her every chance to stop him, but she didn’t. She was intrigued by him and wanted to feel his lips and to taste him. Walker’s lips brushed hers ever so lightly. She was surprised at the fullness of his lips and the softness of his kiss. He slowly deepened it, increasing the pressure. He took a deep breath through his nose and slowly released her lips and sat back. Looking at his eyes, they appeared even bluer. He traced his finger down the side of her face and over her lips. “I love you Alex Walker. I know that you don’t remember me, but if you let yourself relax and just feel, I know that your heart will remember me.” Alex continued to stare at him, not sure how to respond. “Come on, let’s turn in,” he suggested and took her hand to pull her up from the couch.

 

They headed upstairs to their room and Alex stood there uncertain how to proceed. “Why don’t you take the bathroom first,” Walker suggested. She gathered up her night clothes and went into the bathroom. Walker listened to the lock turn and knew that she still didn’t quite trust him. He changed into the shorts and shirt and went to the corner of the room to turn on the urn shaped lamp. He waited until she came out of the bathroom and then headed in, while she got into bed. When he came out, he turned off all the lights, save the one ‘nightlight’ and climbed into the bed. She was scooted all the way to the edge of the bed, with her back to him again. Walker reached out his hand and softly stroked her hair. “Goodnight, Alex,” he said, as his hand continued to stroke through her hair. “Goodnight,” she mumbled. Fatigue took over and she drifted off to sleep. Walker sighed and prayed for patience and then he too went to sleep.

 

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The next morning was a repeat of the first for Alex, until she went down to the kitchen to find that her safety net was about to be taken away. Doris was extremely excited about a phone call she had received bright and early in the morning, telling her that her daughter was in the early stages of labor. She and Harold had readied themselves to head on down the road to Lubbock, where she lived, to be on hand for the birth of their fifth grandchild. They had come in to have breakfast before leaving and to say goodbye to Walker and Alex.

 

The Skinners had both finished the eggs, sausage and biscuits that were Walker’s specialty, and were drinking a second cup of coffee when Alex descended the stairs to join them. “Well, here comes sleeping beauty now!” Harold said as he spied Alex walking into the dining area. “Good morning,” Alex mumbled as she headed straight into the kitchen toward the coffee pot. Walker greeted her with a cup of coffee, already poured and doctored with milk and sugar, just the way she liked it.

 

She sipped the warm brew and then turned to speak to the Skinners. “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to sleep so late,” she apologized. “Honey, it’s not late, we’re just early. We had a phone call this morning and we need to get on the road.” Alex’s stomach plummeted at the news, but she tried valiantly to hide it. “Really? Good news I hope?” “Oh yes, we are about to be grandparents again and we need to start the drive to Lubbock. We figure by the time we get there, our new granddaughter should be just about ready to make her appearance.”

 

Alex was happy for the couple, they had chatted about their family and she knew that even though their children were not geographically close, they were close in their hearts. Doris was as excited about this grandchild as she had been about the first. Alex went to hug both of them and she urged them to go ahead and get on the road. She wished them good luck and smiled and waved as they pulled out of the long driveway. Walker stood beside her and watched her crestfallen face as the RV pulled onto the road and disappeared from site. She was now truly on her own with a husband she didn’t know, but who made her very nervous. Walker knew that he would have to be very careful and that his words would set the tone for the rest of the day and possibly longer.

 

“Come on back in and I’ll fix you some breakfast. ‘Woman can’t live by coffee alone’,” he joked. Alex darted her eyes at him and hesitated. The house suddenly seemed confining and she was afraid to follow him in. It was silly and she knew it. She had slept alone with him in that house, in the same bed for heaven’s sake, two nights in a row. Still, the knowledge that Doris and Harold were just a scream away had helped. Alex straightened her back and stiffened her resolve and walked back into the house and sat at the table.

 

Walker fixed her poached eggs on toast, her favorite, and laid a small sausage patty on her plate. Her diet had expanded slightly, but he still wanted to minimize the spice and grease that she might consume. Doctor Andrews had told him that with the limited diet she had been given, she would need to reintroduce foods slowly to her system. They couldn’t be certain just what she had been fed; but certainly, it had not been enough to provide her with adequate nutrition, as evidenced by her weight loss.

 

Alex slowly ate a few bites of her breakfast. She found that it was hard to swallow, her throat had tightened with nerves and her stomach suffered a similar fate. She drank a second cup of coffee and Walker decided to throw the next curve at her. “Alex, you have a good friend, Sharon Clark, who would like to come out to see you today.” Alex looked at him and waited, knowing there was more. “She is a psychologist and she may be able to help you. You met her years ago after you had a rather traumatic event occur in your life and you felt that you needed someone you could talk to. She helped you through that time and you established a trust and a friendship with her. She counseled several of the women from your abuse group and later she became a volunteer at the HOPE Center.”

 

“What’s the HOPE Center?” Alex asked; grasping at what she decided was the safest response to his suggestion. “It’s a community center that you dreamed up and opened. You provide many services for community members, but your passion has been to help women who have suffered from domestic violence. You see the women as a whole and try to provide assistance that will free them from the life they felt trapped in. You provide support groups, day care, job training and placement, temporary shelter, legal advice and help, and counseling. Sharon has been a big part of that and you rely heavily on her when you have a woman dealing with the emotional aspect of being a victim and overcoming that.” “Is that what I am? A victim?”

 

Walker stopped and looked at her. He would never have described Alex as a victim, not even after LaRue terrorized her when she initially sought Sharon out for help in dealing with that ordeal. Looking at her now though, he saw all the signs of someone who was a victim. She was nervous, meek, untrusting, and of course, her inability to remember anything was another sign that something had been done to her. He didn’t want to sugarcoat his response, but he chose his words carefully. “I would say that you have been victimized. We don’t know what happened to you, but clearly, something did. I don’t know if Sharon can help you to remember what happened, but I do know that you’ll be glad of her friendship once you meet her. She’s a good person, a down to earth person whom you’ve always considered a friend and confidant. Is it all right if she comes out to the ranch to talk with you? I’m not asking that you make any commitments right now, just that you meet her and see how you feel.”

 

Alex looked at Walker. She didn’t know what frightened her more, not remembering, or the possibility of remembering something that might be too horrible to bear. It would be nice though, to have another possible ally. Walker was just too intimidating and she couldn’t conceive of being left alone with him all day, every day, for any length of time. Looking at him, she honestly didn’t know what had ever possessed her to marry him. How could she have been expected to hold her own against a man who was so confident and comfortable with himself and with her? If she were honest, she was scared to death of the man. She considered her options and decided that meeting this Sharon was the lesser of two evils. “All right, I’ll meet her,” she agreed aloud. “I’ll call her and see what time she can come out,” he said as he got up to make the call. Alex stood too and began to clear the breakfast dishes. She listened to Walker’s side of the conversation and it was decided that Sharon would arrive at ten o’clock in the morning. Alex debated on whether or not she was glad, but then decided that anything to relieve the tension she felt alone with Walker was a good thing.

 

Sharon Clark had been waiting for Walker’s phone call. She knew all about Alex’s situation; Walker had filled her in. She knew things about Alex that even Walker didn’t know. She had helped Alex work through the trauma of being terrorized by Victor LaRue, not once, but three times. She had also helped Alex to understand herself and what motivated her. Sharon knew all about Alex’s childhood, her parents’ divorce, her mother’s death, her father’s alcoholism and her failed relationships with men. She had helped Alex to accept the fact that Walker was so afraid of commitment that it took him years to admit his love for her. Alex had a few very close friendships, but there was only one person who knew her better than Sharon Clark, and that was her husband, Cordell Walker.

 

Alex was sitting out on the front porch, trying to focus on a book that she had found to read. It didn’t hold her attention, as she was too nervous about what Walker was doing at any given moment. When a car drove up the driveway and a woman in her mid-forties exited, she assumed that this was the psychologist Walker had talked about.

 

Walker too, had heard the car and he came out of the house to greet Sharon and to make the introductions. “Alex, this is Sharon Clark, the woman I told you about,” he introduced. “Hello,” Alex said politely with her hand extended. Sharon shook her hand, although she was tempted to grab and hug her friend. “Alex, hello, it’s so good to see you. We were all terribly worried about you,” she said as she shook Alex’s hand. Sharon looked at Walker and said, “And how are you doing?” The question was designed to take the focus off Alex, who was showing signs of strain that Sharon’s professional eye easily picked up. “I’m doing a lot better than the last time you saw me,” Walker admitted. Sharon had paid him a visit at work one day, while Alex was missing, in an effort to provide what support she could. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said.

 

The three entered the living room and Walker offered both hot and cold drinks. It was still early, but it was also the middle of a Texas summer and the heat was already taking its toll. Both Sharon and Alex opted for iced tea. Once Walker had handed each of the ladies a glass, with ice clinking, he looked to Sharon for guidance. “I was going to go do some work in the barn, but if you want me to stay, I will,” he offered. He knew that Sharon would want to speak to Alex alone, but he wanted Alex to know that she didn’t have to agree to that if she didn’t want to. He also wanted to be close enough that if he was needed, he could come running. Alex didn’t answer, she didn’t even look up. Sharon made eye contact with Walker and said, “We’ll be fine, why don’t you go ahead with what you need to do?” Walker nodded and headed out the front door.

 

“So, Alex, how are you coping with all of this?” Alex looked up at Sharon and asked, “All of what?” Sharon smiled. Even without her memory, she still had the mind of a prosecuting attorney. Don’t ask a question unless you know the answer and don’t answer a question unless you’re certain of the reason for it. “I imagine that finding yourself married and living in a home with a man you have only just met is rather… daunting?” Sharon waited to see how much Alex would reveal about her true feelings. Her body language had already revealed a great deal, but now she wanted to know how honest Alex was willing to be about her feelings. Alex shrugged, “It’s been difficult. Doris and Harold helped though.” “Oh yes, that’s the couple who found you and brought you to the hospital, right?” Alex nodded. “And they were here with you?” Alex nodded again, avoiding making eye contact with Sharon.

 

Sharon looked at Alex and grew more concerned than she had been when she first arrived. Even without a memory, she had expected to see Alex’s spunk, but it wasn’t there. Walker had told her that Alex seemed meek and frightened, but Sharon had thought that perhaps he was expecting too much too soon. Looking at Alex though, she decided that whatever had been done to her had been very traumatizing. She hadn’t just been kidnapped and held for a time, something more had been done to her.

 

“Alex, I don’t expect you to fall into the friendship and the trust that we’ve shared. I know that as far as you’re concerned, we’ve only just met. I do want you to know though that I have your best interests at heart and my goal is to help you in any way I can.” Sharon waited, but Alex didn’t respond. “Why don’t you tell me everything that’s happened and catch me up?” she suggested. They spent the next two hours talking, Sharon probing Alex for more information about all the things she remembered from the time she woke in the badlands, to the present time.

 

At the end of the session, Sharon had made some clear decisions about how she wanted to proceed with Alex’s treatment. She also had an abundance of questions that were left unanswered. Walker came into the house and went into the kitchen to begin making lunch. He walked into the living room and asked if they would like to eat. They all went into the dining room and shared a casual lunch. Sharon talked about people they all knew, mostly from the HOPE Center. She mentioned names, hoping something would click with Alex, but she just smiled politely and watched Walker apprehensively. Sharon left soon after lunch with a look to Walker that said, ‘We’ll talk.’

 

Walker suggested that Alex stretch out on the couch with the air conditioner on during the heat of the day. She wasn’t sleepy, so he put in one of her favorite videos, The American President. Alex curled up to watch it and even Walker sat in his reclining chair during it. They got to the scene early in the film, where Michael Douglas sends Annette Benning a gift basket. Walker was dozing, when he heard, Alex mumble, “A Virginia ham.” He opened his eyes and watched as Annette Benning pulled out a country ham. His eyes widened as he realized that she had uttered the punch line before the movie. It was a surprising and quirky gift in the movie, not something that Alex could have anticipated. Walker didn’t say anything, but filed away the information to share with Sharon later when he spoke with her.

 

They reached the scene where Annette Benning’s character comes out of the bathroom wearing the President’s shirt. Walker was thinking that she had great legs, but nothing compared to Alex’s. He got a pang deep in his chest as he thought of Alex wearing his shirts and how amazingly sexy she looked in them. He was beginning to become aroused as his mind pictured her so clearly, standing in front of him with a long white shirt on, only a couple of buttons holding it closed, as if she knew it wouldn’t stay closed long anyway. His erotic fantasy was interrupted by the phone. Walker picked it up, “Walker.” “Hey, it’s me, I need you man. We’re going to bust Layton and it’s gonna be a hard take down.” Walker was thinking that Trivette learned his timing from Uncle Ray. He even interrupted fantasies! “Okay, I’ll call CD and ask him to come here and then I’ll meet you at headquarters,” he said before replacing the phone onto the receiver.

 

Walker looked over at the couch to see that Alex was watching him. “I need to go in to work for a bit. I’ll call CD and have him come over to stay with you.” He was dialing the phone as he made the explanation. “CD? Hi, listen, I have to go in to work for a bit. I was wondering if you’d come over and keep Alex company while I’m gone. Okay thanks, I’ll see you soon.” Walker hung up the phone and let the footrest down on the chair. “I’m gonna go get ready while we wait for CD,” he said, as he began to head toward the stairwell. “You don’t have to wait until he gets here, I don’t need a babysitter,” she said in a petulant voice. “Alex, there’s been a news crew parked at the end of our driveway for two days now. If I drive out of here alone, then they’re going to be here asking you all sorts of questions in no time flat. CD will be here to make sure that they don’t think they can come onto the property. In fact, I better call the sheriff and have him send a car around too.”

 

Alex laid on the couch fuming. Granted, she didn’t want to answer some reporter’s questions, but she also resented being treated like an invalid. Walker didn’t seem concerned that she was angry though, he simply made his arrangements and got ready to go as if she didn’t have a say in it. The more she thought of it, the madder she got. The movie echoed her feelings of resentment as Michael Douglas refused to defend his relationship with Annette Benning. By the time Walker came back downstairs, Alex was ready to do battle.

 

“Alex, CD will cook dinner for us, there’s nothing either of us can say that will deter him. Stay indoors with him and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” “I don’t want to stay indoors, I want to go out,” she said with hostility. “Well, that’s just not wise right now.” “Who the hell cares? I don’t need to be dictated to like some child.” “Great, you pick now to get your feathers ruffled. Look Alex, I don’t have time to argue with you about this. I want you to stay indoors until I get back. Is that understood?” Her response to him was a glare. Walker sighed deeply and approached her and squatted down so that he was eye level with her. “I know that you’re not happy about this, but Alex, we don’t even know who kidnapped you or what they did to you. They had you for seventeen days and now you don’t even know your own name.” “I know enough that I can stay by myself for a couple of hours.” “I don’t know that it’s going to be a couple of hours. The man we’re going to arrest is not going to just come peacefully. I may not be home until far into the night; I just don’t know.”

 

Alex’s expression changed, from anger to worry. “Is it dangerous?” Walker looked at her, uncertain how to respond. “Well, yes, it’s dangerous, but we’ll be taking every precaution. The reason Trivette called me is that we work so well together that we don’t even have to ask what the other person is doing. I’ll be fine, I promise.” Alex’s eyes welled with tears and her lips quivered as she tried to speak. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Walker used his thumb to brush away the tear that spilled onto her cheek. “What’s wrong is that you’ve been through a great deal and now you’re on an emotional roller coaster. You stay here with CD, challenge him to a game of chess, and I’ll be home as soon as I can, okay?” Alex looked deeply into his eyes as if looking for a promise and nodded slightly when she found it. “Chess?” she asked. “Do I play chess?” Walker smiled at her, “You do and you’ll definitely beat CD; you always do.” He leaned in and kissed her lips in a comforting kiss. His passion instantly flared and he was grateful that this time, it was CD who interrupted them. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her with how much he needed her.

 

Walker filled CD in on the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of caring for Alex. No dark rooms, no sudden moves, and no reporters. He told him to play chess with her and to keep the conversation casual. He didn’t want her to get too much information by asking questions, he wanted her to remember things on her own. At least until he had Sharon’s okay to prod her memory along. CD took his duty seriously and Alex got the feeling that she was being guarded closer than all the gold in Fort Knox. She watched Walker leave with a jumble of emotions. Despite Walker’s little whispered conference with CD, she planned to pry as much information from the talkative man as she possibly could.

 

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Walker sat in the Ram with Trivette, waiting for Layton to arrive at the shipping warehouse where they believed he stashed the drugs he was importing. Trivette was curious about how things were going with Alex, but past history told him that he was likely to get his head bitten off if he asked. “Just say it, Trivette,” Walker finally reached the end of his endurance of Trivette’s tactful silence. “How’s Alex doing?” “You already asked that.” “Right and you said, ‘fine.’ Come on man, how is she really doing?” Walker heaved a huge sigh. “I don’t know, Trivette, but I’m really worried. Sharon was out today and I’m supposed to talk to her later if this jerk Layton ever gets around to showing up.” “What’s been happening?” “She’s just been so shy and… meek.” “Alex?” “Yeah, that’s why I’m worried. Although… she did get mad at me for the first time today.” “What’d you do?” “I called CD to stay with her and she got offended. It’s the first time I’ve seen even a glimpse of the Alex I’ve known for all these years.”

 

Trivette sat in quiet thought for a few minutes. “I guess until we know what was done to her; it’s going to be hard to help her.” Walker hit the steering wheel with the heel of his hand. “I tell you Trivette, when we find who did this to her…” “I know, partner, I’m there with you man.” There was quiet again, until Trivette got the courage to ask another question. “So, how are things, you know, between the two of you?” “What two of us? We’re like strangers sharing a house, sharing a bed.” “So you are sleeping together?” “If you can call it that. She sleeps as close to the edge of the bed as she can get. It’s like she’s afraid I’m going to pounce on her.” “Well, you are newlyweds…” “Trivette, I’m not going to say that making love to my wife is the furthest thing from my mind, but I am not about to do anything that might frighten her even more than she’s already been frightened.” “If I know Alex, she’ll be the instigator in no time.” “That’s just it, you don’t know Alex. Not this Alex. None of us do. She is a different person and I don’t know what to expect from her.” “Looks like you might be able to get home to her fairly soon,” Trivette said as he pointed to the Cadillac pulling up to the warehouse. “Let’s do it,” Walker said.

 

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Alex watched CD and waited patiently for him to settle into his role as protector. It seemed to be a natural role for him and she had to admit, if only to herself, that she was glad that he was there. She couldn’t remember anything about him, but she intuitively knew that she could trust him. She felt comfortable with him and that was saying a lot. As a rule, she didn’t feel comfortable with people who had known her before, before waking up in the badlands. To date, she had felt comfortable with four people; Doctor Andrews, Nurse Charlene, Harold and Doris. Now she added CD to that list. Walker was on a list of people she felt very uncomfortable with and Jimmy and Sharon fell somewhere in between.

 

Alex looked up as CD moved his rook. She studied the chessboard and moved her knight. CD looked up at her and frowned, mumbling to himself, “I thought maybe this time I’d have a chance.” He leaned his chin on his hand and stared at the board. As he concentrated on his next move, Alex decided that her timing was right. It was time to ask her questions.

 

“Walker said that I always win our games of chess,” she opened casually. “Yes, confound it, you sure do darlin’,” CD admitted while he continued to ponder his next move. “Then why do you still play against me?” “It’s not the destination darlin’, it’s the journey.” “Do you play Walker and Jimmy too?” “Sure I do, and both of them whippersnappers beat me nearly every time as well. Worst thing I did for my self-esteem was teaching Walker to play chess.” “Why did you?” “I thought he needed a sit down activity. Then again, maybe I just needed him to sit down every once in awhile so’s I could catch my breath.” “That’s right; you used to be his partner.” “That I was. Green as grass that boy was when we hooked up. He’d done a stint in Nam and afterwards, he’d joined the force, but with all his special training, he was headed for the Rangers sure ’nough.”

 

Alex watched as he made his next move, countered with hers, and then continued her probing. “And now he has Jimmy for a partner,” she said matter-of-factly, but leaving the ending open for him to fill in. “That was a hard pair to make stick let me tell you. Cordell likes doin’ everything the hard way and Jimmy, with all of his ‘devices’… well, they were just oil and water.” “You’d never know it to look at them,” she observed. “Well, no, they worked out their differences and now they’re as close as brothers ― closer. Either one would take a bullet for the other. That’s what true partners do; they watch out for each other and put the other before themselves.” “I guess,” Alex said, noncommittally as he finally moved again. She countered and then watched him really focus on what she’d done.

 

“I guess you and Jimmy weren’t too happy when I came on the scene, huh?” “What’s that darlin’?” CD asked as he wrinkled his brow in concentration. “Well, I mean, I pretty much invaded the boys club when Walker and I became a pair.” “You and Walker were friends before I partnered him up with Jimmy.” “We were? I knew that we were friends for a long time before we became a couple, but I hadn’t realized it was that long.” “Oh, you two met and there was more fur flying than at a long-haired raccoon fight.” Alex wrinkled her brow, but had to smile at the strange image CD’s saying had conjured up. “We didn’t hit it off, huh? I can’t say that I’m surprised; he’s the most aggravating man I’ve come across.” “I think your words were mule-headed the first time you met him.” “Yeah, that fits,” she said. She was trying to picture her first meeting with Walker, but she just didn’t have enough details.

 

CD made his move and she slid her piece over to block his queen. “Checkmate,” she said as he tossed his hands up in the air. “Why do I torture myself like this?” he asked the ceiling. “How did Walker and I finally get together?” she asked CD directly. “Well, Jimmy and I played matchmakers for years, but I don’t know for sure when you finally got together. I remember several times when I thought the two of you were finally going to give in to your feelings, but then you’d come back and act like you barely knew each other. You gave this old heart fits, I’ll tell you.” “What do you mean?” she asked. “Alex, it wouldn’t be right if I told you. There’s so much I don’t know, even if I did tell ya. You and Walker were so tightlipped about what was going on between the two of you; I wasn’t ever sure what was goin’ on. I tell you though, you loved him from the get go and he loved you too. I’ve never seen two more stubborn people get together as the two of you. But when you two finally hooked up, there’s been no separating you. You love him and he loves you. I was stuck in Japan and couldn’t get back for your wedding, but I’ve watched that video more times than I can count.” “Video?” “Yes, the video of the wedding… Now Alex, don’t go gettin’ any ideas. I don’t think you should watch the video when you can’t remember anything yet.” “But CD, what if it helps me to remember?” “Well, it just might at that. But until we get the go ahead from your friend Sharon, no video! Now let’s go in the kitchen and you can keep me company while I fix us somethin’ to eat.”

 

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Walker had enjoyed taking out three different thugs with a combination of spinning kicks and fast flying fists. He had taken out some of his frustration on the unsuspecting goons, but he had little regret. They certainly weren’t choir boys and they deserved what they got. He left the clean up in the hands of the other Rangers with Trivette taking point and he went to visit with Sharon Clark. Sharon had a women’s group she was facilitating that evening at the HOPE Center and they had arranged to meet there.

 

Walker pulled up and parked in the driveway of the large house that was the home base of Alex’s realized dream for a community center that focused on the needs of women. She had created something from nothing and all of her hard work had been extremely fruitful. He opened the door and got out of the truck, feeling the minor aches and pains of his earlier physical exertions. He headed up the stairs and went indoors and ran into Josie. “Walker, hi, it’s so good to see you. How’s Alex? Is there any change? I can’t imagine what she must be going through. Is there anything I can do to help?” Walker held his hand up to halt her string of questions. “Josie, I don’t even know what you said, I’m too tired to follow it.” “Sorry,” she apologized and reached up to give him a friendly hug. He accepted her supportive gesture and tried to answer her questions. “Alex is doing okay physically, but it is hard emotionally, not knowing who you or anyone around you is. Sharon saw her today and I came in to talk to her about how we should proceed. As soon as we have a game plan mapped out, I’ll let you know how you can help.” “Sounds good, I’m here to help, whenever and however you need me.” “I know and I really appreciate it. I never stopped to realize how many people love Alex, but it’s a lot.” “What’s not to love? She’s helped so many people… and she’s a good friend too,” the usually unflappable Josie had tears sparkling in her eyes.

 

Sharon walked in and saw Walker and Josie. After they all greeted each other, Walker suggested they go into Alex’s office to talk. He hadn’t been in the room since Alex had gone missing and he sniffed the air, picking up traces of her perfume, even after so much time. Her perfume had permeated the cloth chair that she sat in at her desk. He took Alex’s seat and Sharon sat across from him. “Well, what did you think?” he asked. “Walker, something’s not right. I can’t tell you what, but it’s not only her memory that’s gone, her personality has been affected too.” “I know, she’s timid and acts afraid of everything, of me.” “Well, it isn’t surprising that she’s fearful, but I expected to see some of the spunk that Alex has always demonstrated, but that’s gone. I think that something has been done to her. I’d like to contact Doctor Andrews in Abilene and talk to him. Alex said that it was all right with her, but I wanted your permission as well before I called him.” “Whatever you need to help her Sharon. I made an appointment for her tomorrow to see her regular doctor. Doctor Andrews wanted me to massage the pressure areas on her shoulders that she got from being restrained in the same position for so long, but she’s so afraid of my touch, that I haven’t. Doris did a couple of times, but that’s it.”

 

Sharon nodded her head. “I think you need to start desensitizing her very slowly. When you take her to the doctor’s office, why not go to lunch at a familiar place.” “CD’s?” “Yeah, that should be good. Then stop by here and have her meet Josie. I don’t want to overwhelm her too fast, but if you limit it to those two places, that should be a good beginning.” “What do you think about telling her about past events?” “I wouldn’t, unless she asks the questions. When you take her to CD’s, just state that you’re going to eat there. If she asks general questions, like if you ate there often in the past, answer those. If she asks for more specific details, evade her questions. Only prompt memories that she has independently.” “She’s done a few things, she drank my coffee the other morning before she was fully awake, and she called me ‘Cowboy’.” “Expect the little slips like that, but don’t put too much stock in them. There’s a reason why she’s not remembering and I suspect that it’s because she’s afraid to. Whatever was done to her has left deep psychological wounds.” “I want to get my hands on the people responsible…”

 

“Walker, as angry as you are, you have to put aside those feelings and concentrate on Alex for now. My advice is to keep going slowly with her. Treat her as if she’s a dear friend you haven’t seen in a long time and you want to get to know again. Don’t pressure her. I’ll give you more specifics on how I think we should proceed after I consult with Doctor Andrews and see Alex again. You said she has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, why don’t I plan to come out on Saturday?” “That sounds good. We’ll be there all day, just call when you want to come.” “Okay, I will. Be patient Walker, we’ll get her through this.” Walker looked at Sharon and nodded his head. He even managed a tight smile. “I better get home. I let CD loose in my kitchen, who knows what he’s gotten up to.” Sharon smiled at Walker’s attempt to lighten the mood. “Okay, I’ll see you day after tomorrow.”

 

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When Walker arrived home, it was to find Alex peeling potatoes while seated on a stool in the kitchen and CD moving from stove to refrigerator to spice rack as he prepared his version of a gourmet meal. The scene looked so normal; Alex was relaxed and even smiling at CD’s antics. Walker’s heart ached at the loss he had suffered. His wife, the woman he had befriended and loved for so many years now, was gone, and seeing her look so much like the woman he knew, made him miss her all the more.

 

He pulled his mind out of its depressing contemplation and pasted a smile on his face. “Not too much spice CD,” he warned. He watched Alex sit up straighter and the smile leave her face as she realized he was there watching them. “Now don’t you go telling me how to cook,” CD blustered. “I’ve been cookin’ since before your mouth could water.” This brought a return of Alex’s smile. “CD, where do you come up with these sayings?” she asked. “What sayin’ darlin’? I just talk like any Texan,” he claimed. “Not like any Texan I’ve ever known. That is unless they were born in the 1800’s,” Walker interjected. “You just watch yourself son, I’m not too old to teach you a few manners.” Walker chuckled, glad that CD seemed so unaffected by Alex’s disability.

 

“I’ll just go upstairs and wash up, it looks like dinner is nearly done,” Walker guessed by the aroma. “I need to fry up these potatoes Alex is peeling and the rest is ready.” “What exactly are you fixing?” Walker asked. “Fish and chips, made with my special beer batter.” “I’ll be right back,” Walker said with enthusiasm and took the stairs two at a time.

 

CD insisted that Alex set the table for two. He had to get back to his Bar and Grill and didn’t have the time to stay and eat. He added candles and lit them, while she poured the drinks and brought them over to the table. His attempt to create a romantic atmosphere was so transparent, that she didn’t know if she should be angry or merely laugh. She decided not to say anything at all. Walker returned downstairs smelling of soap, with his hair wet. His eyebrows rose as he took in the ambience of the room, but he too decided not to say anything. CD left and a quiet settled over the Walker household.

 

Looking at Alex standing staring at him like a deer caught in headlights, he pulled out her chair and said, “Well, I guess we shouldn’t disappoint him, it smells great!” Alex had to admit that her taste buds were tempted. She accepted Walker’s gallant gesture and took her seat. CD had used red and white checked napkins and they both shook them out and laid them across their laps. He’d included homemade tartar sauce and coleslaw to the casual menu and Walker dished out some for himself and passed the dishes over to Alex. She too scooped some onto her plate and they began a strained meal. Walker watched Alex glance at him for about the hundredth time and finally stood up and blew out the candles and flipped on the overhead light. “CD has always been a matchmaker, he can’t help himself. He tried every trick in the book to get the two of us together.” Alex relaxed slightly at the change in atmosphere and tone. She could handle Walker with the lights on full. Or at least she hoped she could!

 

She ate more at one sitting than she had since she’d been found. Her appetite was definitely improving and she enjoyed the flavorful meal. “CD is certainly an interesting man. It’s like looking at someone in Technicolor. He’s larger than life.” “That he is. He’s also one of the best people on God’s green earth. That man has a huge heart and I have to admit that I don’t know where I’d be without his influence in my life. He helped me make good decisions, when they weren’t easy to make. And I guess I can’t hold it against him that he forced Trivette on me and also that he pushed me into romancing you.” “He does push, doesn’t he?” Alex said with a fond smile. The two finished their meal amicably and then did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen together.

 

Walker looked at Alex and said, “Alex, I know that you don’t feel comfortable having me touch you, but with Doris gone, I think I should massage those areas on your shoulders for you.” Alex’s eyes widened in alarm. “Doris was doing that for you, right?” Alex nodded her head, but didn’t know how to get out of this one. “Well, why don’t you go on upstairs and remove your top and lay face down on the bed. I’ll get the cream Doctor Andrews prescribed and massage the area. After it soaks in, you can go take a hot shower with the jets set on pulse. Doctor Andrews said that it was important to increase the circulation to the area.” Alex continued to stand there frozen. “Alex,” he began and then reached out to tilt her chin up so that she was forced to look at him. “I promise that I will remain clinical and simply provide you with the treatment needed. I asked Doris to take care of it because I knew that you would be more comfortable with her, but you can’t just stop because she’s gone.” Alex knew he was right, but didn’t want to admit it. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was afraid of. He had been the perfect gentleman. She closed her eyes and imagined his hands smoothing the cream on her back. Her body reacted with a tightening of her abdomen and a flush of her cheeks. She was saved the embarrassment of him seeing how he affected her by the ringing phone.

 

The phone call was from Doris, telling them that she and Harold had a beautiful newborn granddaughter. “And the best news, you’ll never guess! My daughter and her husband named the baby Alexis! We have an Alex in our family now too!” Walker had put her on speaker phone and he teased her, “Watch out, she’s bound to be mule-headed!” Doris laughed and asked how they were doing and babbled on for another ten minutes and then regretfully said goodnight. Just before she hung up, she said, “Alex, don’t forget to get Walker to rub that ointment on your shoulders.” This was one prompt that she couldn’t ignore. “I won’t,” she said and knew that she was now stuck.

 

After finishing the phone call, Walker merely pointed upstairs and Alex meekly followed the unspoken command. He didn’t know if he should be glad that she had obeyed him or worried that she hadn’t argued. He heaved a big sigh and just locked up the downstairs and then headed up to the bedroom. He found her lying face down, with her shirt off, but the pillows propped on each side of her body, so that there was no chance that he would get a glimpse of her breasts. He turned on the light on her nightstand and looked carefully at the bruised areas on her shoulder blades. His blood boiled as he saw the diffused bruising that was healing, but the thought of what she’d had to endure to cause the marks… He gently soothed on the ointment without a word and used his thumbs to gently massage the area.

 

Alex lay perfectly still, concentrating on regulating her breathing. His touch sent flames shooting through her and she had to stifle a moan as his hands moved down her back, easing the muscles bunched around her spine. The lower his hands worked, the tighter her stomach muscles became and the wetter her panties. Alex was astonished at the reaction her body had to his touch. She focused on her breathing as if it was the only thing keeping her from flipping over and pulling him down to her. What was wrong with her? He was a virtual stranger! Had she been some kind of slut? Was she one of those women who just couldn’t get enough sex? And would she react like this to any man or just to him? She had so many questions and no way of answering them. The fact that they were married, that this man was her husband, didn’t change anything. She was on fire and all he’d done was massage some ointment into her back. What kind of woman was she?

 

Walker soothed down her spine, trying to work out the kinks he found there. He was used to massaging her back and was sickened at the weight loss she’d suffered and the knots that he knew had been caused by being forced to maintain the same position for long periods of time. His hand brushed down to her side and he encountered a rough patch of skin. He looked more closely and exclaimed, “What the hell?!” He forgot about everything and flipped her over, looking at the round healing burn patches that dotted her abdomen and chest. Alex looked up into his eyes and saw fury. She lay there completely petrified, not sure what he was going to do to her. She was so afraid, that she didn’t even think to cover her exposed breasts. She lay there frozen, waiting to see what he would do next.

 

Walker’s hands clenched and unclenched, he sucked air in and tried desperately to calm himself. Alex watched the inner war he raged and hoped that she would be spared his wrath. He suddenly moved and walked away from her, pacing back and forth. He then stopped in front of a full length mirror that was mounted on the wall and pulled his fist back and punched it, shattering it into thousands of spider-like veins. Alex pulled her legs up and sat against the headboard, her knees hugged to her chest. She was more frightened than she could remember being. She ducked her head and rocked herself. She couldn’t hold back the tiny whimpering noises she made.

 

Somehow, Alex’s state penetrated his rage. He looked at her and slowly, the image she made registered on his consciousness. “Oh Alex, I’m sorry,” he said and approached the bed to comfort her. She went into a tighter ball, her head buried into her bent knees. Walker reached out his hand and gently stroked her hair. “I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he began. He continued with the gentle stroking. “Alex, I just saw those burn marks on your body and all I could see was red. To think that someone would hurt you…” his voice cracked and a tear ran down his face, followed by several more. She lifted her head and watched amazed as this tough giant allowed her to see his pain. “One of the reasons I held off asking you to marry me was that I didn’t want you to be put in jeopardy by my job. If someone used you to try to get to me, then they would have found my one true Achilles heel. When you were suddenly gone… my whole world shattered.” He looked over at the mirror that was now destroyed. “My life was like that mirror and the only thing I could do was try to find you. Then when you were found and I realized that someone had hurt you, really hurt you… Alex, every fear, every nightmare, came true. One of the other reasons I held off making a commitment to you was that I had lost the most important people in my life and I had built a protective wall to keep people out. I had to face the possibility of never seeing you again.”

 

Alex relaxed her grip on her knees and sat up slightly, listening to him. She was intrigued as much by his demeanor as by his words. He was baring his soul and she knew it. His hand continued to play with her hair as it hung softly around her face. “To think that someone could do this to you, it just kills me,” he admitted, as his index finger lightly caressed a round mark just below her clavicle bone. His finger stroked down slowly, reaching the swell of her breast. She was so enthralled by his touch; she forgot completely her need for modesty. Her knees lowered slowly, allowing him to trace down the full swell of her breast to the pink tip. He circled the areole and watched, as if for the first time, as the tip tightened and wrinkled up to a hard point. Alex watched his head bend forward and lower, until his lips touched the nipple his fingers had brought to an aching peak. The cry was wrenched from her throat as his lips closed over that one point and suckled gently.

 

The lightening that streaked through her body, straight to her womanhood brought a cry of pure surprise and passion. Walker pushed his tongue out between his lips and rasped it back and forth across her engorged nipple. He resumed his suckling, as if he was trying to find comfort, nursing her breast. His hands remained down on the bed, and the only part of him touching her was his mouth. And the only place he touched her was that one aching nipple. Walker took a deep breath through his nose and slowly released his suction hold on her. Alex whimpered as his warm mouth was drawn back away from her sensitized flesh. He sat back and looked at her, watching the moist nipple stand proud and erect from the soft swell that supported it.

 

His finger came back up and he gently stroked it. “I want you more than I want to breathe.” He stopped and took a deep breath, forcing himself to inhale and releasing it on a sigh of longing. “But I don’t want to frighten you and despite what your body tells me, I see the fear lurking in your eyes. So, I’m going to go and let you take your shower. I’ll be downstairs and I’ll come up later, after you’ve fallen asleep. I won’t touch you ― you have my word.” Alex watched as he got up and left the room. She warred with herself, her body begging her to go after him. The cool air finally cooled her body enough for her to begin thinking again and she stood up on shaky legs and headed to the bathroom.

 

Walker returned hours later. He watched Alex in the glow of the urn shaped lamp. “Dear god, I love her so much. Please, bring her back to me,” he prayed. He went to shower, washing the sweat from his body that had accumulated there during the punishing workout he’d put himself through down in the basement gym. He pulled on his night time attire and crawled into the bed. Walker stayed more on his side of the bed than she did on hers that night. He got very little sleep as he inhaled her scent and listened to her gentle breathing.

 

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The next day, Walker assisted Alex into the Ram and they headed out of the ranch driveway. This was the first trip Alex had taken off the ranch since she had arrived in Doris and Harold’s RV. She was excited and nervous, but was determined to hope for the best. As they turned right out of the driveway onto the road, Alex saw a car parked in a grove of trees and watched as it tailed them. She didn’t say anything, somehow knowing that Walker was also aware of their presence. They reached a curve in the road and Walker tugged on her seatbelt to tighten it and said, “Hold on.” He took a narrow path through a forested area and Alex gripped onto the armrest and dashboard and held her breath as they barreled through the undergrowth with little regard for potholes and bushes.

 

Ten minutes into the wild ride, Walker exited onto another paved roadway and Alex sat back, her eyes wide and her heart racing. He glanced over to see what her reaction to the unplanned offroading adventure would be. “I’m sorry, but I wanted to lose the reporters. They’re dying for pictures or a statement from you and I’d prefer to avoid that.” Alex relaxed back into the seat and recovered her breath. “That’s all right, it was fun.” Walker glanced over at her and grinned. She couldn’t help it, she grinned back.

 

The rest of the trip to the doctor’s office was uneventful. Once there, Walker reluctantly took a seat in the waiting room while she went in to be examined. She was poked and prodded and then the doctor told her that she could rest and to meet her in her office. Walker was invited to the consultation and he sat next to Alex and looked across at Doctor Weaver. Doctor Weaver had been Alex’s general practitioner for two years, but Alex had no memory of her. She sat across from the fifty something doctor and waited to hear the results of her physical. “Well Alex, I won’t have the blood work results back until tomorrow, but it looks to me as if you’re well on the road to recovery. I have the records that Dr. Andrews forwarded to me and I see a marked improvement in only a few days. Clearly, you’re no longer dehydrated and you’ve put on a few pounds, most of which is fluids, but that’s okay. You said that your appetite has improved and I’d say that you’re ready to go back to a normal diet. Just don’t over do on spices and fatty foods.”

 

Alex nodded her agreement and continued to sit quietly listening. Dr. Weaver looked at her curiously, used to Alex’s direct personality that asked the pertinent questions. Walker interjected, usually the quieter of the two, he decided he would need to take the lead. “What about exercise?” “I recommend it. Nothing too strenuous, I wouldn’t recommend your regimen,” she glanced at Walker’s well formed arm and chest muscles, “but some stretching and aerobic exercise in moderation is a good place to start.” “And the pressure sores, how do they look?” “I would continue with applying the ointment to them. The ones on her shoulders are very nearly healed, but the ones on her hips need more attention.”

 

Walker had forgotten that Dr. Andrews had mentioned ones on her hips and Alex hadn’t mentioned them. Come to think of it, neither had Doris, which meant that Alex hadn’t said anything to her about them. She was extremely modest and he just wasn’t used to that. Then he remembered how she’d been when they first became lovers, she had been modest then too. So her comfort with sharing her body with him was a learned thing and not a natural one. This got him to thinking. Maybe her spunk and fire was learned too. She’d had to fight for a lot in her life and perhaps her nature was normally gentle and mild. He thought a bit more and decided that no, she had to have been born feisty; it was just such a part of her. So the meekness was a result of the trauma that she had endured. Now it was up to him to determine exactly what had happened so that he could help her overcome her fears.

 

They left the doctor’s office and Walker asked her if she was hungry for lunch. He didn’t tell her where he planned to take her, but instead, waited to see if she found something familiar about the route or the landmarks. She made no comment until she read the sign that announced they had pulled up in front of CD’s Bar and Grill. “Oh, we’re going to see CD?” she asked in an animated voice. It was the little things that gave away her nervousness around him. She was so excited to see CD that he knew that she had dreaded a meal out with just him.

 

CD was in his usual spot behind the bar when they entered. He made the unusual gesture of coming out from behind the bar to greet them and to give Alex one of his famous bear hugs. “Oh, it’s so good to see you out and about darlin’. What’d the doctor say? Are you back up to snuff?” “If that means am I getting better, then the answer is yes. She said that I can start eating a normal diet, so I guess I’m ready for some of that chili I’ve heard so much about.” “Alex, she said to go easy on the spice.” “I’ve got some cornbread to go with it, so you can have a taste and eat the cornbread to soak up the spices.” Walker just shook his head; he knew that arguing against Alex and CD when they teamed up was a waste of everyone’s time.

 

Alex headed back to a booth to sit down and wait for CD to bring them their lunch. Walker said nothing, but Alex knew she’d done something significant just by his expression. “What?” she asked. He shrugged, “This is the booth we always sit at,” he told her. She looked around and realized that she could have chosen several other booths, but this one had just ‘felt’ natural. She decided not to comment, but instead, looked around at her surroundings. She saw several pictures on the wall and made a note to go look at them after they ate. CD brought over two bowls of chili with cornbread and watched as Alex took her first spoonful. She chewed and swallowed and then smiled at CD. “This is really good,” she said. “It’s not too spicy?” he asked. “No, actually, I was going to ask if you had any Tabasco.” He looked flabbergasted until he saw the playful smile on her face. “I’m teasing, it’s just perfect,” she assured him. Walker chuckled at the return of her sense of humor. Pulling CD’s leg about his chili was a tradition and whether or not she realized it, she had fallen into an old habit.

 

Appeased, CD left them to their meal and went to wait on other customers at the bar. Alex looked everywhere, except at Walker. He ate quietly, allowing her to survey her surroundings. “Did I spend a lot of time here?” she asked. “Yes, we’ve used this place as our special meeting place, to unwind and socialize. You and Trivette and I have come here quite often, for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dancing, and just plain old sitting together and drinking coffee.” “It’s nice here, comfortable and inviting.” “Yes, it’s a hangout for law enforcement people from many different agencies.” “Did you bring me here for the first time?” “No, you found it on your own. I think you came with some people from work or something. You and CD had already become friends before our famous encounter here.” “What do you mean?” Walker smiled, “Remember I said that I had kissed you once without permission and paid dearly for it?” Alex looked at him with a puzzled expression and nodded her head. “Well, it happened right here.” “Why did you kiss me?” Walker shrugged, “I couldn’t help myself.”

 

Alex stood and walked over to the wall of pictures. Several were of her, Walker, Trivette and CD. She stopped in front of one that had the four of them sitting at the bar. She noticed that her hand rested fairly high up on his thigh. “When was this taken?” she asked. “Oh that was years ago,” he said. “Were we dating then?” she asked. “No, we were good friends and we’d gone out to dinner and danced once or twice, but we weren’t dating.” She looked at a couple of tiny holes that pierced through his face. “What happened here?” she asked. “You threw darts at me,” he laughed. “Why?” she asked. “I was teaching you to throw darts and you claimed it was ‘accidental’,” he told her. “But it wasn’t?” “I guess only you know the answer to that,” he said. She frowned at him and continued to look at the pictures. There was one of them hugging that had been taken on New Year’s Eve. “New Year’s,” she said quietly, almost to herself. Walker waited, but whatever fleeting memory had come into her head had obviously not cleared enough to register. “Where are we going now?” she asked him. “Wait and see,” he said. Alex looked at him, but didn’t demure.

 

They drove up to the large residential home and Walker parked in the driveway. “Who lives here?” Alex asked. “This is HOPE House.” Alex looked at the front of the inviting community center and got out of the truck without Walker’s urging. She walked up onto the porch and stopped at the plaque on the wall. Running her fingers over the raised lettering, she looked at Walker who had joined her. “I founded this place?” she asked amazed. He nodded his head, “You sure did. Come on, let’s go inside and I’ll give you a tour.” Alex hung back, “Are there people in there?” “There are always people around, but no one will bother you, they know that you haven’t been well since you’ve been back.” “They know about my memory loss?” she asked. Her need for privacy was very strong. She felt vulnerable and exposed, knowing that others knew more about her than she knew about herself. “Only one person here knows all the details. She runs the place on a day to day basis. She’s also one of your closest friends. You saw pictures of her in the wedding album. She was one of your bridesmaids.” “What’s her name?” Alex asked. “Come on in and I’ll introduce you,” Walker evaded.

 

They entered the foyer and Alex was suddenly surrounded by several toddlers who were excited to see her. “Miss Alex! Miss Alex!” the older ones cried as they wrapped chubby little arms around her legs. Alex stood in the middle of them and began to panic. Having her legs restrained was causing her to feel dizzy and nauseous. She looked to Walker to help her and he immediately waded in to her rescue. “Come on kids, let go of Miss Alex,” he tried to get the kids to obey as he saw Alex turn white and begin to sweat profusely. She was shaking as he reached her and he lifted her arms around his neck and pulled her straight up into the air and into his arms.

 

Two of the daycare workers came in and began rounding the kids up and Josie was brought out of her office by the commotion. Quickly summing up the situation, Josie said, “Popsicles for everyone, outside on the patio!” The kids immediately turned and began to head that way. Two of the older kids stopped and looked back at Alex. “Are you coming Miss Alex?” three year old Rocio asked. “Miss Alex and I need to talk to Miss Josie and then we’ll come to visit you outside,” Walker promised. Rocio and Austin nodded their heads and ran to join the others out back while the daycare workers rushed to give them all popsicles.

 

Walker set Alex back down on her feet and escorted her into her office and sat her in her desk chair. Alex tried to control her breathing and shaking. She automatically reached for the small refrigerator behind her desk and pulled out a bottle of drinking water. She unscrewed the top and drank several sips. Josie and Walker watched without saying anything, both noting that she had done something from memory again, without knowing it.

 

After composing herself, she sat back in the chair and looked curiously at Josie. “I’m sorry; I didn’t catch your name.” “I’m Josie Martin, Alex. I’m sorry about the kids, they just really love you and they’ve missed you. The adults know not to invade your space until you’re feeling better, but the kids,” she shrugged her shoulders, “they’re just happy to see you.” Alex nodded, “I don’t know what happened, they grabbed my legs and I just… panicked.” “Well, we know that you were restrained while you were missing,” Walker observed, “maybe the feeling of being held caused some memory that you aren’t even consciously aware of.” Alex nodded her head. She sat and continued to drink her water and compose herself. Josie and Walker chatted casually with Alex, filling her in on the various functions of the center.

 

After about an hour, Alex felt ready to face the kids again. They had finished their popsicles and were playing out in the backyard under the big old shade trees. This time when they saw her, they crowded around her, but did not overwhelm her. Walker reached down and plucked up the most aggressive of the bunch, a two year old, named Katie, who had been enamored of Alex ever since she and her mother had moved to HOPE House several months previously to escape an abusive home life. Katie had not been abused herself, but her mother had needed to stay at HOPE House until her husband was jailed for beating her and strangling her with an electric cord until she lost consciousness. He had been charged with attempted murder and was awaiting trial.

 

Alex sat on one of the benches and Walker sat on one side of her holding Katie. Josie came out with an infant in her arms and waited until the toddlers had gotten a chance to tell Alex their latest exciting news. Most of it was babble, but Alex smiled and nodded as if she understood and was interested in every word. Sophie, one of the daycare workers, invited the kids to play a game of tossing bean bags at a board that was covered with X’s and O’s. Several toddled off to participate.

 

Josie was called to the phone and she handed Alex the infant without thought. Alex accepted the baby and sat with the two month old black baby boy nestled in her arms. Walker watched her face as she held the baby, who was named Terrell. Alex’s eyes misted over and she hugged him up to her chest and then lay him in her lap and began talking to him and playing with him. Walker smiled, thinking, yet again, what a wonderful mother she was going to be. After another half hour, he suggested they leave. “I thought we’d head back to the ranch. We shouldn’t over do on your first day.” He expected an argument, but didn’t get one.

 

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Two cloaked figures walked into the room and waited for the man to acknowledge them. “What is it?” he asked irritably. They looked at each other and finally the bolder of the two spoke, “We wondered how long it would be until you put your plan into action.” “It is not my plan, it is god’s plan, and I will wait until he tells me to act.” This response gave the two no option but to nod in agreement and to retreat back into the dark tunnels they had come from.

 

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Walker and Alex had spent a quiet evening. They’d gone for a walk after the sun started to sink and it wasn’t too hot to bear. There was a hill back at the far end of the property, behind the house, that they enjoyed hiking. At the top, the view changed with the seasons. Spring brought a blanket of wildflowers, summer brought lush green wild grasses and that turned into the straw colors of fall and then died into mud and sometimes snow in winter. The wildflowers had all but finished blooming and the rich greens were evident as they crested the top of the hill near dusk.

 

They sat and watched the vibrant sunset and Alex commented on the intense colors. “Yes, those are thunderhead clouds, we’re about to get a summer storm,” Walker informed her. “You think?” she asked, noting the calm still weather. “Feel how muggy the air is?” “Yes,” she said. “And the birds are finding shelter early this evening. Let’s hope the lightening doesn’t set any brushfires tonight.” “Lightening?” Walker nodded, “Yes, we’ll be getting thunder and lightening tonight. With any luck, we’ll get a light rain to go with it.” Alex didn’t really understand how he knew such things, but she stayed silent and enjoyed the changing panorama until he suggested they head back to the house.

 

After dinner, Walker had her change and meet him in the gym. He designed an exercise routine for her that focused on stretching her muscles rather then working them. He had her get on the Total Gym and do long, sweeping, arm and leg exercises. He wanted to do more ‘hands on’ types of training to maximize her stretches, but he avoided those. He decided that after she began to trust him and accept his touches, she would allow him to workout with her as they had for years, long before they had become lovers.

 

Alex was pleasantly tired and relaxed when they finished the session in the gym, but Walker’s next words wiped all that away. “Alex, head on upstairs and take a long hot shower and then, when you’re finished, stretch out on the bed. Don’t put any clothes on, I need to massage your hips and I think it’ll be easier if you start out without clothes rather than removing them with me there. Use a sheet to cover yourself if you feel more comfortable that way.”

 

Walker watched her eyes widen in fear and he waited for a moment and then tenderly placed his hand under her chin and lifted it, causing her to look into his eyes. “Alex, I know that you’re nervous about having me touch you, but you don’t have to be. Despite the fact that we’re newlyweds, I do have some control over myself. I love you more than life itself and as much as I want to make love to you, I won’t do anything to jeopardize your ability to trust me. Okay?” Alex blushed bright red, knowing now that he did want her as much as she had feared. She ducked her head back down and nodded, not daring to meet his eyes. Walker reached over and gave her a sweet kiss on her cheek. “I’ll be up in about an hour,” he told her and went back to the Total Gym to begin his own workout in earnest.

 

Alex had showered and dried her hair, moisturized her face and body and then found a spare sheet in the linen closet. She laid her underwear and nightgown within easy reach of the bed and pulled the covers down to the bottom. Lying face first on her stomach, she pulled the spare sheet over her body and lay there waiting.

 

Walker entered minutes after she’d lain down and he told her, “I’m going to hop in the shower, I’ll be back in a minute.” He noted that she had turned on her nightlight and he turned off the overhead light to give her a sense of privacy. Alex listened to the sound of the running water and despite her best efforts, found herself drifting off to sleep. It had been a full day and she did not have the stamina needed yet to remain awake after all the physical, mental and emotional exertion she had endured that day.

 

Walker finished his cool shower and pulled on the now familiar workout shorts and muscle man t-shirt that he slept in for Alex’s sake. He walked out to the room and noticed that Alex had fallen asleep. Lighting a candle on her nightstand, he placed the massage oil into the stand that stood over it. He eased the sheet back off of her shoulders and carefully smoothed the ointment into the two spots on her shoulder blades. He then plugged in the vibrating massager and with it set on its lowest setting, he used it to stimulate the healing areas.

 

Alex slept through his quiet ministrations and he eased the sheet off of her and looked at the two bruised looking areas on her hips. He saw that they had not healed as quickly as the areas that had been receiving treatment. He again soothed the ointment onto these areas, but decided that even set on low, the massager was too strong for the sensitive areas. He cupped first one side and then later the other with the palm of his hand and used the massager on top of his hand, reducing the strength of the vibrations.

 

After treating the four areas that were his primary mission, Walker spread the sheet back over Alex and used the massager in long sweeping motions over the length of her back, her buttocks and her down her legs. He kept the thumping motion on the lowest setting, his intent to loosen and relax her muscles rather than the deep tissue massage it was capable of. By the time he finished this process, the oil was heated. He again removed the sheet and he rubbed the oil between his palms and soothed it into her neck, shoulders, back and buttocks and again on down her legs to her feet. Once he had the entire back side of her body coated with the soothing oil, he began at her neck and massaged her muscles using his fingers and thumbs to knead muscles that had bunched and knotted.

 

Alex drifted in a sensual haze, her body had enjoyed the electric massager, but when Walker shifted to using his hands, her response was more primal. She began to wake as he reached her lower back and ease the pressure there. His hands continued on down her body, smoothing over her rounded buttocks, avoiding the tender areas. When he reached her thighs, he gently separated her legs enough to reach his fingers in to massage her inner thighs along with her outer thighs. The tempo of Alex’s breathing changed as he flirted with the sensitive area, but his fingers remained clinical and never intentionally aroused her. He was well aware that she was now awake and his body was certainly responding to her body. He did not straddle her and massage her as he normally would, knowing that he would not be able to disguise his arousal. Instead, he remained on the side of the bed and smoothed on down her legs stretching and flexing her feet as he massaged her calves.

 

Walker finished her back side and knew that she was in that waking state that hovered so close to the dream world that her inhibitions were lowered. He laid the spare sheet next to her body, “Roll over Alex,” he commanded, in a low voice. Alex rolled over onto the sheet, keeping her eyes closed. As long as her eyes were closed, she could pretend that none of this was real and she was merely dreaming it. Walker again poured the oil onto his hands and began at her neck, rubbing and soothing it into her skin. He covered her entire body, just as he did the back. He smoothed over her breasts and down her abdomen to her hip bones and down her thighs and legs. He then went into the bathroom and washed the oil from his hands and brought her jar of face cream out to the bedroom to sit by her nightstand.

 

Walker sat on the side of the bed, with her lying on her back in the middle. He took his clean hands and reached them into her hair. After soothing her scalp with his fingertips, he gave her a more invigorating scalp massage. He then scooped her hair up, and twisted it to lay behind her head, off her shoulders, and back from her face.

 

Walker took some of her face cream and warmed it in his hands. He smoothed it over her forehead and cheeks, over her chin and into her neck. He used his thumbs to smooth the cream into her face and then used his fingers, drumming them gently over her face. After he finished with her face and neck, he poured a tiny amount of oil into his palms and used it to make them slick again. He touched her upper lip gently with one finger, leaving a dot of the scented oil just below her nostrils. She inhaled deeply, relaxing even more into the hazy state of sleep/wakefulness.

 

Walker soothed her shoulders and over her clavicle bones. The round burn marks were shrinking and fading and they soaked up more oil than the other places as the damaged skin was sloughed off and replaced by new skin. He kneaded her arms and down to her hands where he spent time on her palms, applying pressure to acupressure points that relaxed her even further. He pulled and tugged on each finger, giving each, individual attention. Alex was convinced that she was floating. She no longer felt the weight of her body sinking into the bed, but felt cushioned and suspended above it. The sensual haze that cloaked her was so subtle that it did not awaken her self-protective instincts. Walker soothed her chest and then rubbed the oil gently into each breast, pinching and rubbing each nipple into a tight hard peak, simultaneously. He used all of his self control to prevent himself from bending at the waist to suck the ripe buds into his mouth.

 

Moving on down to her abdomen, he again spent additional time on the fading patches of burned flesh. They were all but gone and he was determined to speed the process that would fade them into a distant memory. Avoiding the triangle of curls, Walker again spread her legs just enough to massage each thigh in turn. He could smell the scent of arousal emanating from Alex’s core. Her body had released fluids that slicked that area without need for the massage oil. He continued on down to her calves and feet, again flexing them to stretch the calve muscles. He used the acupressure points on the bottoms of her feet to release the chemicals that relaxed any residual tightness in her muscles.

 

Walker glanced down at the rock hard arousal that lay nearly flat against his abdomen, he was in pain, but determined to honor his promise. He sat on the bed next to Alex and quietly asked her, “Alex, do you want me to help you put your nightgown on?” “No, please…” He waited for the rest of the request, but it wasn’t forthcoming. “What do you want, Alex? What can I do for you?” “Touch me,” she murmured. He stroked her neck and shoulders and she squirmed restlessly under this new caress. “No, lower,” she said, her eyes still closing out reality. “Show me,” he instructed her. “Where do you want me to touch you?” “Please,” she begged as her hands came up to cover his and guide them down, over her breasts and to the triangle of curls he had bypassed. She brought his hands to her core and then rolled her hips up pressing against him. “Please,” she said again.

 

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t deny her the release he too craved. He reached his fingers into the damp slit and probed the lips that protected the heart of her femaleness. Finding the tiny nub that held the bundle of nerves that begged for his touch, he used his thumb to stroke her tiny female erection. Reaching into his shorts with his free hand, he released himself from the confinement. He plunged his fingers into her depths as he relieved his own ache, guiding her hand to replace his on his hard shaft. Covering her encircling fingers with his own, he began pumping toward his release with her help and establishing an identical rhythm for her release.

 

Alex’s hips rolled in time with his hand and her hand took up the rhythm to bring him to completion. Walker shifted and reached for the small hand towel he had brought to wipe the oil from his fingers. He used it to catch his spilled seed just as Alex reached her release. Alex cried out in triumph and relief as her body finally had what it needed to fall completely into a blissful sleep. Walker smiled at her sleeping form while he gently cleaned her with the same towel. He blew out the candle and picked up the items to take them into the bathroom. After putting everything away, he returned to the room and slid Alex over to pull the spare sheet from her. He dropped it into the laundry hamper, along with his t-shirt and returned to the bed to slide in next to her. He knew it was a stolen moment, but he cradled her nude form in his arms, gentling her hair as she sunk her face down into his chest. Walker joined her in sleep with tears sitting on his lashes.

 

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The thunderstorm that Walker had predicted, struck in the early hours. The thunder rolled over the sleeping forms and crashed in loud reverberating drum rolls. Walker woke and lay listening to the sound that struck a cord with the least civilized part of him. He held Alex, as she slept through the sounds, but became somewhat restless. As the storm continued to roll over them, lightening was added. Alex whimpered and shifted restlessly as the lightening crashed and then the room was plunged into total darkness as a transformer was hit and the power went out. Alex awoke shrieking, as the room was lit only by the occasional flashes of light. Nightmare images raced through her mind of straps and pictures and a voice; a horrible, taunting, incessant, voice that told her over and over again that she was nobody that she belonged to him and that she had to fulfill her mission. “No! Stop! Stop!” she shrieked again and again.

 

Walker tried in vain to comfort her, but any attempts to hold her were met with thrashing arms and legs. “Alex, Alex, it’s okay, you’re safe,” he said. Alex jumped from the bed and raced around the room knocking into things. The lamp crashed down onto the ground and she ran through the tiny shards of glass from the broken light bulb without even feeling the pain. In desperation, Walker grabbed another sheet and wrapped her into it, rolling her so that her legs and arms were pinned. She continued to scream and struggle, but she was unable to get out of the sheet that she was rolled into like a living mummy. Walker pulled on shoes and then went to find candles. He lit several and placed them around the room along with a powerful battery-operated flashlight. He checked Alex’s feet and pulled tiny pieces of glass from them while she lay in her cocoon, the fight having finally left her body. He treated the minor wounds on the bottoms of her feet and then cleaned up the room, all the while talking to her in a soothing voice, trying to calm her.

 

After restoring some order, Walker took the time to pull on his shorts and then unwrapped Alex from the sheet. He slipped the nightgown over her head as she stared straight ahead in a catatonic state. Nothing he said penetrated the protective wall she had built around herself. He pulled the covers over her and then, he too, climbed back into the bed and spoke soft words of love to her. She lay awake, but unresponsive until hours after the storm had passed. Finally, her eyes closed in sleep and Walker watched in absolute terror as she slept. He knew that there was more to what had happened to her than he knew and he knew that, this time, loving her was not going to be enough.

 

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Walker quietly left the bedroom the next morning and headed downstairs. The power was still out and if there was ever a moment when he needed coffee, this was it. He went into the laundry room and pulled out his camping equipment he kept stored in there for quick trips. He searched through his duffle bag until he found the sterno stove and coffee pot. He set it up to heat some coffee in the kitchen and then reached down a cup and stood at the counter wondering what to do next. He had never felt so unsure of his next move in his life. Everything depended on him doing the right thing for Alex and he just didn’t know what that was. The smell of coffee wafted to his nostrils and he poured a cup of the thick strong liquid. He had unconsciously made it the way he drank it while out camping, which was much stronger than his usual brew.

 

Pouring himself a cup and bringing it slowly to his lips, he sipped it ever so gratefully. He stood staring into space and finally looked at the kitchen clock. It was technically too early to call Sharon, but he was going to anyway. He needed professional advice and he needed it now, before Alex awoke. He reached for the phone and dialed.

 

Sharon was an early riser and answered on the second ring. Walker described the events of the previous night. He even did something that in all his years with Alex, he had never done. He told Sharon of the intimacy they had shared, although glossing over the specific details. When he finished describing Alex’s reaction to the thunder and lightening storm, he wasn’t relieved to find that she shared his concern. Sharon told him that she would come to the ranch at ten to talk to Alex and to see what she could do.

 

Walker continued on with his morning chores and the power was back on when he returned to the kitchen a little before nine. He went upstairs to find that Alex was stirring and he went into the bathroom to shower and dress while Alex finished waking. When he came out into the bedroom, Alex looked fleetingly at him and then bowed her head in shame. He walked to the bed and sat on its edge. Alex clutched the sheet up to her chin and looked at him with fear. “Sharon is coming out in about an hour to talk to you. Why don’t you shower and dress and I’ll fix you something to eat.” He waited until Alex nodded in agreement and then he left the room.

 

Sharon sat on the couch in the living room waiting for Alex. She had taken her time in the shower and then nibbled at her food, pushing most of it around on her plate. She then made an excuse and headed back upstairs and Walker had to go in search of her. He found her sitting in the window seat of her office. He had recently built the seat for her to sit and look out the window to the rear of the property, curled up on pillows to read or to contemplate. He stood in the doorway and cleared his throat. “I take it she’s here,” Alex said without turning to face him. “Yes, she’s waiting downstairs. You don’t have to talk to her Alex, but I think she can help you. I know that she wants to try.” Alex nodded and stared out of the window. “Do you want me there with you?” he asked. “No, it’s all right, I’ll go on my own,” she answered and then turned and stood up to face him. She looked into his eyes for the first time and then walked past him. Walker reached out and grabbed her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze and then released it and let her continue on.

 

Alex entered the living room and sat on the couch facing Sharon. “Hello Alex,” Sharon began. “Hello,” Alex answered. “Walker told me what happened last night,” Sharon began. Alex instantly blushed, thinking of the intense feelings he had stirred in her and her unrestrained response. She couldn’t meet Sharon’s eyes, embarrassed that this woman knew of her indiscretion. “I understand that you had a rather strong reaction to the storm.” Alex looked up, realizing that she was referring to her rampage brought on by the lightening and thunderstorm. “Yes, I can’t explain it, I was terrified, but I can’t tell you why.” “That’s okay; why don’t you just tell me what you felt?”

 

Sharon began to think that Alex may not answer at all; it took her so long to begin. “The noise, the incessant noise… and then the light, I remember the light. It made me feel as if I was trapped and there was no way out. It stripped me of everything, of myself. And there was a voice,” Alex shivered as she said this, “I hate that voice with everything I am.” Sharon waited a minute as Alex gathered herself. “Was it a memory, a dream?” “More like a nightmare. I don’t know what the feeling was based on. It was like I remembered the emotions; fear, frustration, despair, but I can’t remember the circumstances.” Sharon continued gently probing and then she worked with Alex on ways to calm herself when she felt the panic rising.

 

After two full hours, Sharon headed outside where she was met by Walker. He walked her to her car and then stood holding her door and waiting for her to give him some hope ― something. “The more I talk to her, the more I think that they really messed with her psychologically. The pieces fit; drugs, restraints, lights, noise, a voice, and some type of shock therapy or aversion therapy maybe.” Walker stood listening to her describe what Sharon believed Alex had endured and he was shaking with anger. “Why?” he asked on a tormented groan. “I don’t know Walker. We may never know. They wanted something from her and they used a variety of methods to confuse her and to make her vulnerable.” Walker absorbed what she said, but was determined to make certain that he did find out the why and more importantly, the who.

 

“What should I do now?” he asked. “Well, I think that you should give her some space and just be there if she needs you today and tomorrow. Don’t let her brood too much though; go for a ride or something. Then, on Monday, my advice is that you go back to work and start putting the pieces of your lives back together as best you can.” “How can Alex go back to work? There’s no way she can try cases in her state.” “No, I agree. I meant that you should go back to work, not her.” “I won’t leave her alone here; the reporters have been very creative in their efforts to get to her. I chased a photographer out of the tree over there just half an hour ago.” “I don’t want you to leave her alone either. Maybe she can go to HOPE Center and spend her mornings there. If you dropped her off on your way to work and let her stay there until lunchtime, do you know someone who would be willing to bring her home and stay with her until you get back?” “I know several someone’s, but I’d want it to be CD. I don’t trust many people to keep her safe. CD, Trivette, Sydney, Gage, or I need to be with her always.” Sharon understood his need to keep Alex safe. He had made it his primary mission years before and that drive to protect the woman he loved had only grown stronger with time. “Well, at HOPE House, she’ll be safe with Josie and it might be good for her to begin to perform tasks that she used to and to interact with more people.” “All right, I’ll think about it and talk to the people involved.”

 

Sharon nodded, knowing that he would reluctantly follow her advice. “And Walker?” He looked at her and waited. “Alex is very embarrassed about the intimacy you shared last night. She feels that she did something amoral.” “She told you that?” Sharon shook her head, “Not with words.” “So, I shouldn’t let it happen again?” “On the contrary, I think that you should let her set the pace. If you touch her and she withdraws, respect that. But, if she doesn’t, then continue slowly and lovingly. Let her set the limits, don’t push or persuade, but don’t hold her at arms length either. I think that would be damaging to both of you and to your relationship.”

 

Walker smiled, “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” She smiled back at him, sharing the lighter moment. “Take care of her and I’ll continue to see her at the HOPE Center. I’d like her to make the breakthroughs at her own pace, but if she doesn’t show signs of improving, I may recommend hypnosis to tap into the memories she’s suppressing.” “I hope it doesn’t come to that.” “So do I,” she said as she sat in the driver’s seat of her car and he closed the door for her. She drove off hoping that her two friends would get through this crisis and that their love and marriage would withstand the tests they were currently going through.

 

cccc

 

Walker gave Alex her space until late afternoon when the sun had moved on down low enough in the horizon for the heat to abate somewhat. He suggested a ride and she eagerly agreed. She had had enough contemplation and needed to burn off some energy. They each groomed and tacked their own horse and then mounted and headed off at a walk. After awhile, they entered a wooded area and the coolness of the shade was welcome. The horses were anxious to let off some steam and Walker and Alex gave them their heads and allowed them to gallop to the top pasture that Walker often leased to local cattle ranchers when their pastures were over-cropped.

 

Alex felt all of her troubles fly away with the wind that blew her hair straight back behind her. They ran for several miles before they finally pulled up and began to walk to cool their mounts. Walker reined Ranger in next to Angel and looked at Alex’s flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. This was the woman he knew and loved. This was the woman he missed desperately. He grinned at her and after a moment’s pause, she grinned back. “That was quite a run, how are you feeling?” he asked. “Great! I loved that!” “You’re such a speed demon. I don’t know many people who sit a horse as well as you can can. You were built to sit in a saddle.” “It sure feels natural.”

 

Alex spotted a stand of trees that had three trees that stood in a triangular pattern. Walker caught the look in her eye and the set expression and read her mind. He sat on Ranger, watching as she made the pattern used for barrel racing. Angel rounded the trees so close, he was afraid Alex’s leg would be wiped off. She came thundering back toward him and he laughed at the sheer joy in her eyes. Alex pulled Angel up near him and then realized what she had done. “I knew how to do that without even thinking,” she stated. “Yes, I guess it was just one of those ‘automatic’ things.” They headed back toward the ranch at a slow pace with Alex deep in thought.

 

They ate a late supper and watched a special on wild mustangs. Alex watched with a perplexed look on her face. Walker waited, but she didn’t say anything, so he finally asked. “Is there something bothering you?” “I just keep thinking of a name, but I can’t place it.” “What’s the name?” he asked. “Santana, does that mean anything to you?” Walker smiled, another positive sign that her memory was lurking somewhere under the cloud that had been placed in her mind. “Yes, he’s one of the most amazing horses I have ever met. He’s a stallion and he has a herd of mares that you were instrumental in protecting.” “Oh, what happened?” Walker wanted to tell her, but he remembered what Sharon had said and so instead he said, “Oh, it was a land deal gone awry. Are you getting tired yet?” She was, but she was afraid to tell him. She didn’t think she could stand a repeat of the night before. Her body responded to the mere thought of the previous night’s activities.

 

Walker watched her expectantly and saw the battle going on within her. He knew her body intimately and he knew when she was aroused. Her nipples peaked against the cotton shirt she wore and he knew that if they were sitting closer, he would be able to smell that special scent her body gave off when she was sexually excited. He could tell that she was afraid that he would create the same tension in her tonight as he had the night before. “Why don’t you go on up and I’ll be up in a minute to apply that ointment,” he said casually and then switched off the television and began going through the motions of locking up as if it was already decided. Alex heaved a sigh, partially of dread and partially of anticipation, and then she headed upstairs.

 

When Walker entered the bedroom, Alex was lying face down on the bed with the sheet over her nude form, much as the night before. Walker had showered after they returned from their ride, they both had, so he merely went into the bathroom to get the tube of ointment and headed back out to the bed. He sat on the edge and pulled the sheet down to apply the ointment to her shoulders, even though technically, they were completely healed. He then lifted one side of the sheet and then the other, carefully exposing only the most crucial areas of her hips in order to apply the ointment to the sores. Both sides looked much improved from the day before. He got out the thumper massager and began on low to ease her shoulder muscles and then headed down to her hips and worked it over the areas there for about fifteen minutes before switching it off. By keeping the sheet over her body, he was spared the visual image of her bare flesh, but his mind supplied him with the image his eyes were deprived of. Alex became more and more frustrated as he remained completely clinical. She craved his touch, she needed it more than breath, but he kept the sheet in place and used the massager instead of his hands for everything except the actual application of the ointment.

 

Alex lay there waiting for Walker to make his next move. She was going to tell him off this time. There was no way she was going to let this man seduce her. How dare he take advantage of the situation? He knew just how to arouse her and he had used it to his advantage last night. That’s what had happened! How else could you explain the way she’d responded to him? So much for trust! She tensed back up as he reached over and switched off the nightstand lamp. She’d make him regret touching her. He was going to find it hard to walk and he’d be singing soprano. He was nothing better than a lowlife scoundrel. Typical man, he thought of nothing but sex and pleasing himself. ‘And you,’ a recalcitrant voice whispered in the middle of her mental rantings. ‘Oh shut up!’ she told herself. By the time she had refocused on what Walker was doing, he had gone around to his side of the bed, undressed and pulled on shorts and crawled in next to her. “Goodnight Alex,” he said as he turned on his side, facing away from her. ‘Goodnight?! Goodnight?!’ her mind screamed. ‘Why, how dare he?’

 

Walker lay with his back to Alex and had to stifle the grin. He knew just how worked up she was. He’d known her a good long while and he knew that she was ‘stewing in her own juices’ so to speak. Nothing would please him more than to turn over and let her go on believing he was the scoundrel she had obviously made him out to be. But he wasn’t going to give into the temptation. He had never known what it was about him that had attracted Alex. He didn’t know why he had been so lucky as to have Alexandra Cahill fall in love with him, but the fact remained that she had. And if she could fall in love with him once, she could fall him love with him twice. Right? ‘Damn straight!’ he told himself. And she hadn’t fallen in love with some guy who was so sweet that it gave her a toothache. She’d fallen for the man who teased her and tormented her. Their verbal sparring matches were historical and people still talked about some of their more public confrontations. ‘Well, Alexandra Cahill-Walker, meet your husband, warts and all!’ The thought relaxed him into sleep.

 

Alex lay perfectly still, but when she heard him relax into the rhythmic breathing of sleep, she couldn’t believe it. She was so steamed that she could hardly think straight. She lay there wondering what she’d ever seen in the man. What had possessed her to marry such an irritating, stubborn, self-righteous, gorgeous, hunk of male flesh? ‘Get your mind back on track!’ she scolded herself. Whatever had caused her to fall for the man, she obviously had. Or at least that was what everyone told her. She couldn’t really believe it. Even though she’d seen the wedding photos, some small voice in her head said that they were fake. You could doctor photos after all. As she lay there thinking all of this, it came to her that CD had told her about a videotape of their wedding. She raised her head up and looked over at the head lying on the pillow. She crept ever so quietly out of the bed. She wanted to dress in something before going downstairs, but decided against it. She didn’t want to chance waking him. She wrapped the sheet around her nude body and tiptoed out of the room and downstairs.

 

Once she arrived back in the living room, she went to the case that held videos. There weren’t many and it wasn’t hard to find the one labeled ‘Wedding.’ She walked over to the VCR and popped the cassette in. Turning the television on with the volume low, she headed back to the couch to watch the video. It began with her putting the finishing touches on her bridal wear. The camera caught her with several women who were undoubtedly her bridesmaids, but she only recognized Josie and Sharon. Sharon’s blond hair matched Alex’s own close enough that they could have passed for sisters, Alex hadn’t realized that before.

 

The scene switched to the library where Walker stood pacing nervously with Trivette trying to calm him down. “Hey partner, would you relax? I mean it’s not as if you can’t get divorced if things don’t work out,” Trivette said tongue-in-cheek. His remark earned him a patented ‘Walker glare.’ “What are you so nervous about man?” Trivette asked. “There are over three hundred and fifty people out there, what do you think?” Walker asked. “The moment Alex walks down that aisle, there’s only going to be one person; the rest of us will fade away.” “As long as you fade away,” Walker said with gallows humor. Trivette didn’t take offense; at least, Alex decided he hadn’t based on the huge grin.

 

The next scene was of the guests being seated and a little girl singing a song. The words of the song resonated through her and she wondered who the girl was and if she had picked that song herself. There was obviously more than one camera filming the wedding as the angle shifted several times, panning on the crowd and pausing on certain individuals. She saw a man wearing Native American wear and she wondered if he was some relative of Walker’s. Then Alex saw herself or at least a woman who looked just like the one she saw in the mirror each day. She began down the aisle with a melancholy expression. Maybe this was it, Alex thought to herself, maybe she had married him against her will. What could he have to hold over her that would make her marry him? Then she saw a man being wheeled up to her in a wheelchair. She turned and her entire expression changed to joy as the man got up and proceeded to walk with her down the aisle. She realized that she’d seen his picture in the wedding album and Walker had told her that he was her father. She wondered why he was in a wheelchair and if he was ill.

 

Her father passed her off to Walker and the camera focused on both of their faces and she had her answer. She had wanted to marry him. She was in love with him. There was no doubt in her mind now. For better or worse, she had been in love when she married Walker. She watched as they exchanged their vows and then the song and she had tears in her eyes as she gazed at Walker. Then later, the kiss, and what a kiss it was! She closed her eyes and imagined it and her body got heated again.

 

She had to rewind back to the place where she’d gotten distracted. She watched as they stopped at her father’s chair and then she watched the dance and the reception and then she went inside to change for the honeymoon. The camera followed her and Walker indoors and they obviously were none the wiser as he tugged her into an alcove and began kissing her ravenously. From what the camera had caught, she wasn’t complaining. She heard herself say, “Darling, I have to get upstairs and change or we’ll miss our flight.” “Who needs a plane? I’ll fly you to Paris myself!” he promised as he captured her lips again.

 

Alex watched herself on the videotape and wondered if she’d gotten to go to Paris or not. By the looks of things, they’d never made it. She saw herself push off against Walker’s chest and then laugh, “Patience, darling, patience.” “You know I’m not as good at waiting as you are,” he complained. “Well, now that I’ve got you, I plan to toy with you and drive you mad with wanting,” she said with a laugh that belied her challenging words. “Oh, I’m mad already! You better run upstairs if you want to honeymoon in Paris, because I’m about to scoop you up and take you off to the nearest bed.”

 

Alex saw herself whirl around with her gown billowing out around her and make a mad dash for the stairs, laughing all the way. The camera showed Walker’s grin and then the scene changed to her coming down the stairs in a pink and lavender outfit to be met by Walker, who had also changed, at the base of the stairs. They walked together hand in hand out the doors and another camera picked them up from outside as they ducked the confetti of rose petals that was thrown by the crowd of well wishers. They ducked into the Limousine and sped off.

 

The tape concluded with testimonials from friends and people offering advice on how to have a successful marriage. Many of the comments were humorous and then there was one from CD. He said that missing their wedding was one of his life’s regrets, but he planned to watch them have a family and he insisted that he be called ‘grandpa’ by their offspring. Alex lay on the couch watching the old man’s bluster as he took credit for them finally getting married. Her mind kept going back to the idea of having children with Walker. The idea terrified her! She had so many conflicting emotions about the man. He was handsome and had sex appeal to spare, but he was also frightening and there was something about him, she couldn’t say what, but she didn’t trust him. The tape continued to the end and she turned it off and lay on the couch thinking. It wasn’t her intention to fall asleep, but she did.

 

Walker awoke and realized that he was alone in the bed. He got up and went downstairs in search of his wife. He found her on the couch with a remote control in her hand and a sheet covering her ― somewhat. He watched as she moaned and moved in her sleep, dislodging the sheet further so that her breasts were exposed to his gaze. He walked to her and lifted the remote from her hand and smelt the smell of arousal. She was having an erotic dream. He wondered what she had been watching and went to the VCR and pressed eject. His mouth tightened as he saw that she had watched the video of their wedding. He knew that Sharon would not have wanted her to. He didn’t even know how she knew it existed. He put the video in its case and took it back to his office where he locked it in a drawer.

 

Once he returned to the living room, he saw that Alex was now thrashing about, but he also knew that her dream was not frightening her, but that she was enjoying it. He wondered if she was remembering them together or if she was creating something entirely new. Then the thought struck him that maybe she was imagining a different lover. His fears were appeased when she murmured, “Walker, oh Walker.” He smiled and moved over to her. The sheet had now fallen to the floor and her warm body was the ultimate temptation. He placed his hand on her shoulder to try and gently shake her awake. Her hand came up to clutch his and she moved it down to her breast that peaked the instant his flesh brushed against hers. “Please, please!” she begged in her sleep. Walker knew that fighting his desire for her would be one of the most difficult battles of his life.

 

After taking a deep breath, he bent over her to slide his hands under her body and lift her. He stood there in the living room with her in his arms and he nearly cracked under the strain. Alex’s arm went around his neck and she began to wake up, but remained in the throes of passion. She grabbed his face and kissed him as she’d seen herself kiss him on the video. Her hands fluttered over his bare chest and found the tiny nubs hidden amongst the hair. Her lips left his mouth to seek out this new treasure and she sucked and nibbled at them until his knees were too weak to hold her. He collapsed down on them and laid her back on the couch, kneeling beside her. “Alex, please stop, I need to get you to bed.” “What’s wrong with right here?” she asked as she released one nipple to find the other.

 

Walker’s sigh turned into a moan as even he couldn’t think of an answer to her question. “No,” he struggled to say, “I mean, we can’t do this, I can’t make love to you.” “Why not, you’re my husband aren’t you?” “Yes, I’m your husband.” “And I want you to make love to me. I need you to make love to me,” she said as she grasped his head and forced it down against her belly. Walker’s will to fight her was rapidly fleeing. He could fight his own desire, but there was no way he could battle hers as well. He let his lips graze the smooth flesh of her abdomen. He wanted so desperately to plant his seed there and to stake his claim over her by making her pregnant with his child. His mouth lowered to the silky curls that covered her core and then he reached lower and parted her legs to gain access to her treasure. She tossed one leg over his shoulder and parted wide for him. “Yes, Walker, oh please, taste me, touch me!” she begged.

 

Walker’s restraint shattered and he bent lower to kiss the lips that were parted for him. He traced his tongue up and down the moist slit until he latched onto the tiny aroused flesh that sent her into spasms of pleasure. Her hands gripped his hair and she urged him to continue. He flicked his tongue back and forth over her most sensitive flesh and then he slid it down to delve into the moist core that awaited his penetration. His tongue speared her repeatedly as she bucked her hips up toward him. He used his hands to pin her hips to the couch as he worked his tongue over her sensitized flesh. Alex lost all inhibitions, all trace of civilized woman. She was a woman who needed her man with a passion beyond her control. She was climbing toward ecstasy and nothing was going to interrupt this journey. “More… deeper,” she urged him as she raised her arms over her head and gripped the cushions on the couch. “Yes, oh yes!” she cried as he pressed his tongue flat against her clitoris and then plunged it into her core again and again. Alex screamed out her climax while Walker licked her juices and prolonged her orgasm.

 

Alex lay on the couch utterly spent. She glanced down at herself, her leg sprawled over her lover’s shoulder. She was completely wanton and at this point in time, she didn’t give a damn. “Your turn,” she said as she lifted her leg and moved to shift around on the couch. “No, Alex, I don’t need you to…” he said as he stood to step away from her. She didn’t give him a choice as she pulled his shorts down to his knees and inserted his thick arousal into her mouth and sucked it down to the beginning of her throat. Walker moaned as she worked his hard arousal up and down, using a suction on him that brought him almost instantly to completion.

 

He pulled from her with a loud pop and spilled himself into the sheet that lay crumpled on the floor. He almost hadn’t been able to leave the moist warmth of her mouth soon enough, but he wasn’t about to surprise her when she was clearly not able to make good judgments about what she did and did not want. “That’s enough Alex; I am not going to make love to you. Not until you decide that I’m the man you love.” Alex sat back, pouting at being denied. “Go to bed, I’ll be up later,” he told her as he gathered the soiled sheet and headed to the laundry room with it. Alex headed upstairs in a huff, but her head had barely touched the pillow when sleep overtook her. Walker slipped back into the bed and she instantly turned to snuggle into his shoulder and he fell asleep wondering what the ramifications of what had just occurred would be.

 

It was predawn when Walker again awoke to Alex tossing and turning. This time, she was having a nightmare and when he tried to shake her awake, she sat up screaming. The sheet fell down around her waist, baring her breasts to the cool early morning air. Walker watched them peak with the sudden cold and he put his arms on her shoulders and guided her back down into his embrace. “Tell me about your dream,” he said as he soothed her hair back and tried to relax her. “I don’t know, I was on a plane and it was crashing and… I think you were flying it,” she began describing her dream, unaware that it was a memory. “I don’t remember anything else; just that I was terrified.” Walker continued to soothe her and kissed her forehead gently. He was torn, debating on whether or not to tell her that she was remembering the beginning of their honeymoon. He decided that the wedding video must have prompted the dream.

 

Alex lay there in Walker’s embrace accepting the comfort he offered her. His chest was so broad and so… inviting. She wished that she could just put everything onto his broad shoulders and let him take care of her, but something told her that she had to keep fighting this battle herself. It wasn’t until several minutes had passed that she realized that she was lying against him with no barrier between them. That realization brought another thought flooding back; she had seduced him the night before. Or at least, she had tried to. Her face blushed in mortification as she realized the extent of her actions.

 

Walker felt her stiffen as she moved out of his arms and over to her side of the bed. “What is it, Alex? What’s wrong?” She didn’t answer for a long while, and then she said in a halting voice. “Is there something wrong with me?” “What do you mean honey? You mean because you can’t remember things?” “No, I mean… sexually.” Walker lay there stunned and immediately denied her supposition. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! In fact there is everything right with you!” “But, I don’t even know you and I… attacked you last night,” she said on a sob. “Oh honey,” he said, his heart breaking that she could think there was anything wrong with that, “you may not remember me, but your body certainly does. We’ve been lovers for several years and we are still newlyweds.”

 

“Have I been faithful?” she asked. “Why do you ask that?” he wanted to know. “Well, I mean if my… sex drive is so strong, I wondered if it was exclusive to you or…” “Any port in a storm?” he asked with a slight smile. “Alex, you have been faithful since we became seriously involved and to tell you the truth, you didn’t think you had a much of a sex drive until we got together. We had a few false starts and we both tried to deny the attraction, but regardless of how many others we were attracted to, we both knew that we would end up together. Lightning strikes when we touch and it’s always been that way and it always will be that way.” Alex lay quietly absorbing this and then slowly drifted back to sleep. Walker crept out of bed and dressed to go tend the animals. The barn had never been so spotless; he was always retreating to it when he needed a break from the intense emotions he was facing while dealing with Alex’s memory loss.

 

cccc

 

Sunday passed quietly with Walker giving Alex plenty of space; she seemed to need it. Late in the afternoon, he invited her down to the gym to teach her a workout routine. She resisted at first, but he told her that it was doctor’s orders and that a full recovery included regaining her physical health. She finally relented and changed into a sweat suit that she found in one of her drawers. There were other more figure hugging workout clothes, but she was determined to minimize the contact between them. He laid out a routine for her, walking her through each of the stretches and exercises. Her body seemed to recognize the exercises and automatically assumed the proper posture and technique that Walker had spent hours teaching her when he first started working out with her years before to help her avoid injury. She worked diligently and then he made her lay face down on the mat while he massaged the kinks from her shoulders. Again, he remained clinical and she had nothing to complain about when he stood up and told her that she could go shower or whatever while he worked out himself. Alex wanted to stay and watch, but decided that staying wasn’t a good move, not the way she was feeling.

 

After retreating to the bedroom to shower and change, she tackled the kitchen to prepare something for dinner. She moved around the kitchen as if she belonged there and she amazed herself when she pulled out the cheese grater that was kept behind a mixing bowl. It was the little things that she knew her mind must remember that gave her hope. She prepared mushroom and cheese omelets for dinner. It was too hot to turn the oven on, so she compromised by just using the range. She prepared ham to accompany the meal and watched as Walker doused the entire thing in Tabasco. It looked good, so she tried some too. He grinned at her as she took a bite and added more Tabasco. “I think you burn out your taste buds on purpose so that you can eat CD’s chili and tell him it’s not hot enough.” She grinned back and took another bite. She definitely preferred eating this way as opposed to the bland diet she’d been on.

 

That night, they went to bed early. Both were tired from the interrupted sleep from the night before and they planned to begin their days earlier than they had been. Walker was going to follow Sharon’s advice and get back to work and Alex was going to go to the HOPE Center to spend the day. Walker was torn by his need to get back to work and trace the people behind Alex’s kidnapping, and his strong feelings that he should be with her at all times to protect her. He was suffering from guilt that she had been taken and for not being able to find her. He also felt responsible for the ordeal she had endured. He didn’t know that it was related to him and his work, but he feared that somehow he was the ultimate target and she had been used as a pawn.

 

Alex had at first been reluctant to agree to spend part of her days at HOPE Center, but after the two previous encounters with Walker at night, she wanted as much distance between them as possible. Despite Walker’s reassurances that she was not over-sexed, she still had trouble believing it. She wondered how many lovers she’d had and if she had been promiscuous from a young age. She just couldn’t believe that it was normal or healthy to plead with a stranger to make love to her. She didn’t buy his explanation that they were married and her body remembered him. If her mind didn’t remember, how could her body? She was glad that Walker had decided that her shoulders and hips were sufficiently healed that she could go without the massage that night. She didn’t think she could stand to have him touch her. Even now, lying next to him in the bed, her body cried out for his touch. She shifted onto her side away from him. The nightgown she wore was uncomfortable and made her hot. It was going to be a long night.

 

Walker wasn’t completely unaware of Alex’s discomfort, but he was busy trying to control his own wayward desires. He had vowed that he wouldn’t make love to her until she had fallen in love with him again or regained her memory, but his body was not happy with his decision. He knew that the easiest course of action would be for one of them to move into a guestroom until things were worked out between them, but it went against everything he believed in. He had vowed to stay by her side in good times and bad and he intended to take those words in their most literal sense. He was going to lie beside her until the good came again.

 

Eventually, the two fell asleep despite the sexual tension between them. Walker woke with the rise of the sun and found his wife curled up in his arms, her head resting on his chest and her arm flung across his abdomen. He wanted to wake up that way every morning for the rest of his life. The one thing he would alter though was the amount of clothes they were wearing. He had continued his early habit of wearing a t-shirt and shorts to bed and she was back in a nightgown. He lay there as the sun rose in the sky, softly stroking her hair and placing the occasional kiss on her forehead. When he knew that he must get up, he slid quietly from the bed and eased her back down on the pillow his head had just vacated. She moaned slightly and then sighed as she resumed her sleep. He stood looking down at her and smiled. With or without a memory, some truths remained intact; Alex was not a morning person. He went around the bed and set the alarm to wake her in half an hour and then headed out to feed and turn the horses out.

 

Alex was startled awake by the alarm clock. She was initially disoriented and some vague memory about noise and lights and… it was gone. She sat up, and groped for the alarm clock until she managed to make it quiet. She pushed her hair back from her face and looked at the sunlit room. She groaned and flopped back down on her pillow. She decided that it was far too early to even contemplate facing the day. She smelled something and realized that she was resting her head on Walker’s pillow and it was his scent that clung to it. She turned her nose into it and inhaled deeply. She loved that smell. She didn’t know why, the man himself still made her nervous, but his smell was delicious.

 

Walker strode in and found her as he had predicted. He chuckled at her as she buried her face in the pillow. “You can’t block the day out, wake up sleepyhead.” “Go away,” she muttered petulantly. “Uh uh, but I brought you a surprise,” he tempted. Alex rolled her head so that her eye could peek out. He was carrying a tray with a cup of coffee, a vase filled with wildflowers, and a rolled up newspaper. “You have fifteen minutes before you have to get out of bed, so make good use of them,” he told her as he set the tray on her nightstand. He leaned over the bed, his arms depressing it slightly as he reached for her and kissed her exposed cheek and said in her ear. “I’ll be in the shower, but after I come out, you need to get in.” She waited until he had gathered his clothes and closed the bathroom door behind him before sitting up to drink her coffee and glance through the newspaper.

 

Walker came out of the bathroom completely dressed and ready for work except for his gun belt which he left downstairs. “Be downstairs in half an hour if you want breakfast,” he told her. Then he stopped as he saw her expression. “What? What is it?” he asked. She didn’t say anything, but the newspaper in her hands gave him a clue as to what had caused her distress.

 

Walker came around the bed and gently eased the paper from her clenched hands. On page two, a story about Alexandra Cahill-Walker’s mysterious disappearance was at the top of the page. He took it from her and read the subtle innuendos and rumors the reporter had decided to print since he hadn’t been able to get any hard facts. At first it speculated on where she had been for so long and how she had returned with no arrests or apparent leads on her kidnappers. The subtle innuendo was that perhaps she had taken off on her own and in fact it wasn’t a kidnapping.

 

It went on to talk about how she was being sheltered because of her unstable mental health, suggesting that she had had some type of mental breakdown. It then stated the one fact that was accurate; that one of her few visitors was a renowned psychologist. Walker’s blood began to boil as he read the story. “This isn’t news, it’s crap! It belongs in some tabloid, not in a respectable newspaper! I didn’t even think to check to see if they had reported some garbage like this,” he fumed, mentally kicking himself. Alex shrugged and said nothing on the subject. She slipped from the bed and headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day and Walker had to accept her silence.

 

Walker tried throughout breakfast and the ride into town to get her to open up about the newspaper article, but she remained steadfastly silent on the subject. He finally switched to the plans he’d made for her that day. “I’ll take you to HOPE House and Josie will show you around and get you acquainted with some of the routine there. I’ll be back by to pick you up for lunch and we’ll go to CD’s. After lunch, CD will drive you home and stay with you until I get there.” “I know! You told me three times already. I lost my memory, not my mind!” Walker looked over at her and knew that his nervousness about being separated from her was driving her nuts, but the article in the newspaper was also causing her to be overly-sensitive. He reached his hand out and clasped hers and gave it a squeeze, “I’m sorry,” he said simply. Alex just nodded and continued to look down at her lap.

 

Walker had seen the car tailing them to HOPE House and he waited to see what they did. He saw them pull up the street and park while he went around to help Alex out of the truck. He escorted her in and then greeted Josie and others by name so that Alex could start putting names and faces together. Josie took over and began introducing Alex to people who were currently staying at the house and to the mothers and children who were in the daycare. Walker stepped back and walked into Alex’s office and called Trivette to dispatch a squad car to sit at the curb in front of HOPE House. He went back to where Alex was sitting on a couch holding an infant and smiling to his mother as she told Alex of the recent doctor’s appointment she’d taken him to. Despite not knowing the child’s history, Alex did a good job of holding her own and showing sincere concern for the mother’s worries. Her baby had been born with Downs Syndrome and although he was currently healthy, he had been in and out of the hospital for heart and digestive problems. Walker smiled as he watched Alex cuddle the infant and his mother beamed and then glanced at her watch and hustled out to work.

 

Walker sat on the couch next to Alex and gave Anthony his finger to hold. “Hi there, tough guy, so you’re holding your own now huh?” he asked the infant who gurgled and smiled at him. “Has he been terribly ill?” Alex asked Walker in concern. “He’s had a rough start to life, but you and Josie have been very supportive to his mother. Her husband left when his son was born with a disability and she’s had a tough time being alone and going through all the worry, not to mention the financial aspect. She was a stay at home mom and didn’t want to go on Welfare. You were able to get her a job that was flexible about her needing time off for her son’s health needs and you enrolled him into the daycare with state funds and you went after her husband to pay child support and got the state to garnish his wages.” “Wow, I did all that?” “You’re one tough cookie and you love nothing better than to see justice done.” Alex smiled, liking that description of her.

 

“Now, here’s my card with every possible number you can reach me at. If I’m not in the office, try the cell phone or Trivette’s cell phone. I also put CD’s number on here.” Alex rolled her eyes at him, “Oh good! I’m sure Josie doesn’t have any of these numbers.” “Humor me, Alex. I just want to know that if you need me, I can be here in minutes.” “Okay, I won’t say anything else.” “Good, now I better get to work. I’ll see you at lunchtime.” “I know, I…” Walker swallowed the rest of what she was going to say with a kiss. It wasn’t long or passionate, but it effectively silenced her.

 

Walker had stalled until he was certain the squad car would be where he’d requested it. He walked over to the window and leaned in to talk to the two officers, both of whom he knew. “Hi Mark, Josh,” he greeted them. “Hi Walker, you need us to protect the center from some jealous wife beater again?” “Nope, not this time boys. There’s a car just down the street, a gold Corolla. It tailed me here from the ranch and I’m fairly certain that it’s the same pesky reporters I’ve shooed out of my tree, my barn and my shed. They’re trying to get close enough to my wife to get an interview, but after what she’s been through, she’s just not up to it.”

 

Although neither officer knew the details of what Alex had been through, they respected her and Walker enough to just take his word for it and agree to keep the reporters far from the house. “You boys have been here before, so you know that I don’t want you to hassle anyone coming to the door unless they come from that car or Josie asks for your help. She knows to answer the door all day and if she doesn’t know the person, she’ll signal you to come in if she is at all suspicious.” “Okay Walker, we’ll just sit here and look pretty.” “You do that Josh,” Walker said with a grin. “I’ll be back around noon and then you can go on about your business.” They agreed to his request and sat back to get comfortable.

 

Something in Walker just felt right as he walked into the Justice Building and up to Company B headquarters. He walked in and headed straight for the coffee pot to fill his mug. He looked at the three younger Rangers sitting at their desks looking at him and he nodded his head toward the conference room to join him. Trivette, Sydney, and Gage filled him in on the latest in the case. Each lead had ended in a dead end.

 

Walker suggested that they look into cases that Alex had tried or he had been involved in where brainwashing was used by one or more of the defendants. They all looked at him, waiting for an explanation. “Alex has shown symptoms of having been brainwashed. She had small burn marks on her skin where electrodes had been attached, or at least that’s the assumption. When she was found, she had a sensitivity to light, but now she is afraid of the dark and insists that some light be left on. She also remembers flashing lights and noises, but she can’t give details. They found a drug in her bloodstream that is often called truth serum, but Sharon tells me that it can be used to make people more open to suggestion. There were also sores and bruises that indicated she was restrained by her wrists and ankles and made to lie with her hands extended over her head for long periods of time. Sensory deprivation is often used to disorient someone to make them more susceptible to suggestion. And she was kept on a starvation diet.”

 

Walker didn’t look at the faces of his friends and colleagues as he relayed this information to them. This was the first time they had heard the details and they were all sickened to think that this had been done to Alex. She was one of the brightest, most vivacious women any of them had met and they were all shocked and appalled at Walker’s description. They had all given 110% to the investigation so far, but this just spurred them on to give even more.

 

Alex spent most of her morning in the nursery with the infants and toddlers. They didn’t ask her the hard to answer questions that the adults were prone to do. No one knew of her memory loss, but Josie had to come to her rescue on more than one occasion when a question was asked of her that she didn’t know the answer to. Around eleven, Josie asked to go over some things with her. They retreated to her office where Josie filled her in on some of the day to day details that would help her to get by. The door opened behind them and Walker entered and greeted them both, pleased to see that Alex was fine and looking relaxed after her morning. He had sent the squad car on its way and let himself into the center. He collected Alex and they headed out to lunch at CD’s.

 

Sydney, Gage, and Trivette joined them for lunch. Alex hadn’t met the younger two and was polite, but clearly, they were strangers to her. She kept looking at them curiously though and finally said, “You were in the wedding weren’t you?” “You remember?” Sydney asked enthusiastically. “She watched the video,” Walker informed her. Sydney felt as if she’d really put her foot into her mouth and was a bit subdued the rest of the meal. Alex didn’t seem to notice and continued on as normal, teasing CD by asking for some hot peppers and Tabasco. The others laughed at CD’s response and they kept the topic on things as mundane as chili and CD’s colorful sayings. When the others left, Walker gave Alex a chaste kiss goodbye and then headed out after Trivette.

 

Alex convinced CD that she enjoyed hanging around the bar waiting for him. He was kept busy by customers and she wandered back over to the pictures on the wall and looked at them. There were some with her and the three men and others of her with one or two of them. She began to wonder if she was involved sexually with more than one of them. The thought shocked and appalled her and then she decided that that was a good reaction. She still couldn’t believe how demanding she’d been with Walker the night she’d watched the video. She was afraid that it was an indication that she was a loose woman. She stood looking at the pictures and in every one of them, she was closest to Walker and more often than not, they were touching in some way. She thought about how she felt about Walker and then compared it to the way she felt about Trivette, CD and Gage, whom she’d met at lunch. There was nothing with the other three men, no spark, no attraction. She breathed easier as she decided that these too were good signs and supported Walker’s explanation.

 

Alex moved over to the dart board and her curiosity was peaked. She plucked out the darts and stood back and aimed and threw one. It landed square in Walker’s forehead on the picture on the wall. Alex stood there with the other darts and was shaking like a leaf. CD had finished with the lunch rush and moseyed over to check on her. “Well I’ll be; you stuck him again.” “Wha… What?” she asked. “Cordell tried to teach you to throw a dart and you kept hitting this here picture. You finally threw a bull’s eye, but Walker has always said that you couldn’t hit the side of a barn.”

 

Alex didn’t know why she was having such a strong reaction to the image of Walker with a dart protruding from his forehead, but she was as white as a sheet and was in danger of losing her lunch. CD walked over and plucked the dart out and then headed back to her. He noticed how white she was looking and saw the fine sheen of sweat on her brow. “Are you okay, darlin’?” She nodded yes, but clearly she wasn’t. He escorted her back over to the bar and gave her a shot of brandy. “Drink this,” he said as he handed it to her. She sipped it down and grimaced, but slowly, she began to calm and then she asked if they could go back to the ranch. “Sure darlin’ I’ll get my gear and we’ll go.”

 

By the time they reached the ranch, Alex was feeling fine and was able to challenge CD to a game of checkers. She decided that chess was beyond her on that day and didn’t even suggest it. CD won the checkers game and was as proud as a peacock strutting around. They shared a relaxing afternoon and Alex was pretty much back to her normal self when they heard the truck door slam, heralding Walker’s arrival. Alex pretended interest in the book she was reading, but CD greeted Walker with his usual bluster and then stated that he was going to head back to the Bar and Grill before his busboy broke the rest of his glasses.

 

The evening was a repeat of the previous, with Walker insisting that Alex do a full exercise routine. He was even more ‘hands off’ than the night before as she had mastered most of the exercises and needed little correction or spotting. They ate another cold evening meal as the temperature continued to hover around miserable. Walker turned on the air conditioning unit to cool the upstairs before they headed up to bed, but he liked to keep its use down to a minimum.

 

They sat on the porch and enjoyed the gentle sway of the swing. Walker pointed out constellations and he was once again surprised when Alex knew several before he told them to her. He told her Indian folklore about the stars and the moon, stories that had been handed down for generations. Alex listened to the deep timber of his voice and with the strain of her first day ‘out’ and the heat; she began to drift into a contented haze. Walker saw her head begin to droop and he shifted her slightly so that she leaned against him. She murmured a protest, but the effort was too much for her and she lay passively in his arms, her head resting on his chest. “Don’t stop talking,” she uttered as if each word cost her dearly to speak. “You like these stories?” he asked. “Mmm…” was her only response. Walker smiled, kissed the top of her hair and continued to speak in a rhythmic tone that eased her into sleep.

 

After he was certain that she was in a sound sleep, Walker eased her onto his lap and then scooped her into his arms and carried her in. The front door swung gently closed behind him as he carried his precious burden up the stairs to the bed. He lay her down and eased her sandals off her feet. He looked at the sundress she had put on after her shower and debated. It didn’t look all that uncomfortable, but she would be better off in something softer, he decided. He pulled it up and over her head and then pulled off his own t-shirt and eased it down onto her body. He lifted her to place her under the sheet and tugged the end of the t-shirt down around her hips. It barely reached below her panties and he had to stop himself from lifting the edge and running his hand over the satiny cloth that tempted him. He eased into bed beside her and heaved a huge sigh. He didn’t know how long he could hold out. He wanted his wife back. He needed his wife back!

 

cccc

 

The next day at HOPE House, Sharon stopped by at ten to spend time with Alex. As much as she resented needing the kind counselor’s help, Alex was beginning to trust her and to open up more about her feelings and fears. She didn’t; however, tell Sharon of her panic attack at CD’s. Not because she was trying to hide it, but rather because she couldn’t really describe it. She wasn’t sure what had brought on the tide of panic and she didn’t know how to tell Sharon about it without sounding totally nuts. So she kept it to herself.

Go to Part 2